Damn you celebrities and your winning genetic lottery tickets. I’ve always wondered how it’d feel to be the spoiled offspring of a well-known celebutante/rockstar. Since these kids grew up with platinum spoons in their mouth, does that automatically mean that they’ll grow up, ever encouraged by the Hollywood spotlight, to become the most self-absorbed, self-idolizing uber bastards of the free world? FUCK YES.
It must be a fucking dream and a half to not have to worry about getting a job so you can make ends meet for the rest of your life. Take a second to imagine that impossibility because in your thoughts are as close as you’re going to get to that fuckin’ utopian life. But for these pretty, posturing dickholes, the constant, grinding day-in and day-out slavery of the working class is about as far and alien to celebrity rich kids as first-class airline seats are to you. And to me. And yes, I’m fucking jealous. These following hot daughters of celebrities were nothing but squiggly tadpoles in their dad’s ballsack and swimming a couple centimeters is all the effort they’ve ever had to exert in their entire made lives.
These days, I don’t so much write as I rant and rave. Sure, I could have just as easily shat out some SEO drivel about hot daughters and celebrities and send you on your way, but today, I’m feeling a little saucy and a little confessional – presenting a “Jeff Winger” moment in 3…2…1.
Don’t let celebrities fool you into thinking they have something that you don’t. It’s actually the other way around. You have beautiful, brimming humanity cocooned inside of you that’s untouched and glimpsed by only a select and worthy few. As it fucking should be.
This magical shard of yourself – it’s pure. It hasn’t been trampled on by herds of paparazzi on the red carpet. It hasn’t been blinded and scrutinized by flashbulbs, or publicly humiliated by seedy sex tapes that never die. You have something they want and actually had at some point: the absolute freedom to live your life however you want. If you ask me, I’d rather have a whole lifetime than some paltry fifteen minutes of forgotten fame.
1.) Paulina Gretsky / Age: 24
Famous Dad: Wayne Gretsky
2.) Emma Roberts / Age: 22
Famous Dad: Eric Roberts
3.) Mia Tyler and Liv Tyler / Age: 34 and 35
Famous Dad: Steven Tyler
4.) Alexandra Richards / Age: 26
Famous Dad: Keith Richards
5.) Daisy Lowe / Age: 24
Famous Dad: Gavin Rossdale
6.) Montana Fishburne / Age: 21
Famous Dad: Morpheus
7.) Lily Collins / Age: 24
Famous Dad: Phil Collins
8.) Frances Bean Cobain / Age: 20
Famous Dad: Kurt Cobain
9.) Allison Williams / Age: 25
Famous Dad: Brian Williams
10.) Zelda Rae Williams / Age: 23
Famous Dad/Mom: Robin Williams
11.) Bianca Van Varenburg / Age: 22
Famous Dad: Jean-Claude Van Damme
12.) Angelina Jolie / Age: 37
Famous Dad: Jon Voight
13.) Bryce Dallas Howard / Age: 32
Famous Dad: Ron Howard
14.) Zoe Kravitz / Age: 24
Famous Dad: Lenny Kravitz
15.) Sosie Bacon / Age: 21
Famous Dad: Kevin Bacon
16.) Ivana Trump / Age: 31
Famous Dad: The Donald
17.) Rashida Jones / Age: 37
Famous Dad: Quincy Jones
18.) Kerri Kasem / Age: 40
Famous Dad: Casey Kasem
19.) Sonam Kapoor / Age: 27
Famous Dad: Anil Kapoor (Slumdog Millionaire)
20.) Eva Amurri / Age: 28
Famous Mom: Susan Sarandon
21.) Lauren Harris / Age: 28
Famous Dad: Steve Harris, bassist and founder of Iron Maiden
22.) Spencer Grammer / Age: 29
Famous Dad: Kelsey Grammer
23.) Vanessa Simmons / Age: 29
Famous Dad: Reverend Run DMC
24.) Jane Carrey / Age: 26
Famous Dad: Jim Carrey
25.) Katherine Schwarzenegger / Age: 23
Famous Dad: The Fuckin’ Terminator
