Beneath the city of Gdańsk in Poland lies a centuries-old latrine in the ruins of what was once a swordsmanship school. In that latrine, archaeologists have discovered, among fossilized poop, some pottery, and jewelry…a dildo. Not just any dildo, however; according to a spokesman from the Regional Office for the Protection of Monuments, the expensive and well-preserved sex toy is eight inches long, made of high quality leather, is filled with bristles, and boasts a wooden tip. Seems like somebody put an awful lot of thought into how they wanted to diddle themselves in the 18th century, and that makes me happy.
Leather is a pretty common material for modern bondage gear, but you don’t see many dildos made of it (since we have silicone and plastic and rubber now), which leads me to think of the experimentation that must have been involved before someone came to the idea of leather. I imagine the first try was an all-wood dildo, and then I imagine the resulting splinters and I get a little queasy. Then I imagine the person trying to use other bits of things that were around at the time: maybe they sculpted one out of clay and threw it in the kiln along with the regular pottery. A clay dildo still gives me the heebie-jeebies; what if it broke? What if it wasn’t completely smooth and things were…injured? The possibilities are too numerous and nausea-inducing to imagine.
But leather, though: tanned properly, leather is smooth and feels good on your skin. It’s supple and doesn’t shatter or splinter, and I like to think about that person’s eureka moment. The moment he stood there, staring at a cow, and thought, “I will pleasure myself with its tanned hide. It is the only way to quell my raging hormones!”
And that makes me smile.
It’s an oddly comforting thought, to think that people haven’t really changed and we’re all just as carnally-driven as ever. It’s also comforting – and a little amusing – to imagine the face of the person who uncovered the centuries-old sex toy: the awe of uncovering an intact 1700’s latrine, the joy of excavating to find pottery and jewelry, the confusion at the oddly phallic-shaped object, and then the utter shock of realizing they’re holding a vintage sex toy that’s probably been up someone’s butt. What’s better is that the artist responsible for the toy gave it testicles. Granted, it was probably so they’d have something to grip, but the thought of that same person carefully cutting pieces of leather while thinking, “…and the balls will be like this…” is pretty damn amusing, you have to admit.
Now that you’ve seen an early model sex toy, let’s see some newer ones in action! Porn.com users have shared a significant number of Sex Toy Videos. Take a look at the difference progress can make!