You ever ask yourself what would sex be like without porn? What life would be without fantasy? Food without flavor? My philosophy has always been life, love and a little sauce. We, human beings just can’t be simply satisfied with the basic mechanics of fucking, so we dress it up, collar it and make it walk around on all fours until we’re bored, and then it’s onto the next fleeting thrill. Our need for erotic escapism is infinitely more appealing than the cold gruel of routine sex we’re served on a regular basis. Modern day sexual mores are always in flux, but here are some of the more enduring fuck fantasies that – as long as a dick and a male brain are around – will never stray too far away from the cozy comforts of your mind.
1.) It’s not a Pizza, It’s a Porno!
I wreaked havoc on the streets as a pizza delivery driver all throughout college and the scenario of a driver getting spontaneously laid by improbably hot female customers never happened. Not once. But there was this one time when I was summoned to a shady-looking duplex whereupon opening the door, I was greeted by two very diseased-looking and morbidly obese hookers. They looked like two beat-up manatees strangled in fishnets and glitter.
“$21.50,” I said.
The one with her naked droopy titty hanging out that reminded me of gonzo’s nose, took a hard drag of her menthol cigarette and finally she spoke:
“Ken we juss fuck yew instead o’ payin’?”
Being that I have not died of ebola of the dick, yours truly politely declined and proceeded to get the fuck out of there.
Oh, the ultimate forbidden fruit. While scouring through piles of smut, I found this video pretty hot. Faye Reagan, the sexiest ginger alive, speaks directly to you in POV fashion, filleting you to pieces with her sassy, bitchy hotness and it just makes you want her even more. In this hot stocking fantasy, she plays the boss’s naughty daughter and really owns the role to perfection!
This free sex movie is brought to you by PORN.COM
3.) Foot Fetish (sorry)
I don’t get this one. Actually, I have a foot phobia to be completely honest. I don’t understand it, but I sure respect it. Whoever can dunk a stinky, sweaty, toe-jammed foot in their mouth without immediately experiencing all stages of vomitus simultaneously gets my vote I guess?
4.) Adventures in Screwing the Babysitter
My babysitter fantasy started early. I was but a wee lad going through the wonderful changes of pubescence when my young sensibilities were set aflame by the sight of my hot college-aged babysitter. Even then, without really understanding, I knew how powerful fantasy was.
If you’re suave and patient enough, I think every guy should experience the exquisite pleasures that an Asian girl has to offer.