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AL Goes to Exxxotica-Part 1-Carlin break

The New York Exxxotica Expo Pre Game Show: What The Fuck Am I Doing In Jersey???

by Al Blanco

For those that may not know, the above title is a George Carlin reference as he had a similiarly titled HBO special.  It was also however, a thought I had en route to the New York Exxotica Expo.  Before I delve into the expo, I’d like to give George a small dedication as we all know he passed away earlier this year.

George Carlin’s comedy was a huge influence on me, and I view him as the greatest stand up ever.  Growing up with a young, single and liberal mom (she’s 46 now, do the math) there were times we would just hang out and do things.  She is a huge fan of comedy and if she wanted to see a comedy show and didn’t have a date, I would go with her. 

We saw a lot of stand ups, but probably the best show we saw was Howie Mandel (he killed it) and the worst was Bill Maher (we had to leave early he sucked so bad).  I also had the opportunity to see George Carlin, whose show was probably just as good as George’s, however from what I remember I gave Howie the nod because I may not have fully understood all of George’s jokes at the time and Howie has a lot of child like humor.  Looking back now I realize I was witnessing pure genius.  If it was heroin, even the biggest junkie would OD instantly, that’s how pure it was.

In any event, George had many routines he fell back on over the years.  One of my favorites is where he would proceed to tell you a million words or phrases that describe the same thing or things related to each other, thus exposing the absurdity of our language and society in general.  He was a master of language, something everyday I aspire more and more to be.  His wordplay was unmatched by anyone who has attempted comedy, period.  What I loved most about him is that he was clearly an intellectual; if he wasn’t funny, he’d still be a guy changing the world somehow.  That being said, here is my George Carlin version of what everyone on the site seems to love.  I think George himself may have covered this, however if he did I’m certainly updating some terms for him.  You can’t duplicate a Van Gogh, but you can restore it and keep it looking new.  I’m gonna give myself five minutes, and anything I miss, I would love to see added by comments.

Fuck, do it, bone, smash, tap, hit, lay the pipe, long dick (e.g. I long dicked that chick!), ram, stab, coitus, fornicate, make love, sex, rock and roll, give it to, rock, hide the salami, consumate, bang, split it…

Fuck it, five minutes are up, that excercise was harder than I thought it would be…

I hope you enjoyed your bread and butter, because the appetizer will now be served, though you gotta eat what I give you and if you don’t like it learn to fuckin cook.  This is just the pregame show though, the kickoff will be in part 3

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