On February 3, 2005, I published this quote from my friend Rob Spallone about his first-hand 2004 experience with Ellen and his ex-friend Mike Davis: “Ellen DeGeneres lives next door. Big deal. She came over once to borrow the dog. I said, are you a retard, lady? You want to take the guy’s dog?”
Mike Davis lived next to Ellen on Mulholland Drive.
I call Rob Spallone Oct. 17.
Rob: “So Mike leaves the house. His dog never left the property. Ever. He’d never been out of the compound. Mike goes to get his hair cut. Two hours later, he calls. ‘Rob, did you leave the house?’ ‘No. Why?’ ‘The dog got out.’ ‘How did the dog get out? I didn’t go nowhere. He must’ve got out when you left.’
“Ellen DeGeneres was our neighbor. We didn’t know.
“Ellen called the number on the dog’s necklace and asked Mike to pick up the dog. I go to her house. She’d bought the dog a bag, all toys, everything. She goes, ‘Can I keep the dog?’ ‘What are you talking about? Are you crazy?’
“She gets the dog.
“Ten o’clock at night, I answer the phone. ‘Hi Mike, this is Ellen from across the street.’ ‘Ellen across the street? What do you want? To take the dog?’
“She goes, ‘Do you think the dog can come over tomorrow for a playdate?’
“I said, ‘Ellen, do you have a dog?’ She said no.
“At eight o’clock the next morning, the front gate rings. It’s her. ‘Hi, it’s Ellen. Can you bring the dog down?’ I said, ‘No. You come up here.’
“She comes up. She walks in. I said, ‘You’re sick. How do you tell someone you want their dog? A dog is a man’s best friend.’
“She asks, ‘Can I take the dog?’ I go, ‘Yes.’
“She takes the dog. As she gets to the door, she turns around and goes, ‘Does he get along with cats?’
“I said, ‘Lady, he’s never left the property. How would I know?’
“An hour later she calls. ‘He doesn’t like my cats. I’m bringing him back.’”