I Remember It Vivid-ly – Pt 1
By Bad Ass Frank on May 11, 2009 in A Diary of a Bad Ass, Featured, Pornstars
I’d been talking to a buddy of mine that works at Vivid and he invited me to come visit the set for one of their new movies. I hadn’t been to a porn set in years and, truth be told, my idea of a good time isn’t watching some other dude rail a chick. My idea of a good time is railing the chick myself. But he told me the movie starred their newest contract girl, AJ Bailey, who they’d literally just signed days before. It occurred to me that, although I’d met a number of Vivid girls, I’d never banged one. Couldn’t hurt to aim for the rookie, right? Right. Nothing like a fresh, young, ripe piece of ass.
Have I mentioned fresh, young, ripe pieces of ass?
I arrive at the location, a warehouse in the industrial section near downtown LA. En route I’d received an email that read simply, “We’re in the basement.” Oh, the basement of a remote warehouse in the middle of an area where no one can hear me scream? Sounds great. I’ll be right there. I ran through all of the motives that might cause the people at Vivid to want me brutally murdered and could only think of my upcoming book about the porn biz, Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy. Then I realized that nobody is going to want me dead until after they read the book, so maybe I was just being paranoid. I questioned my conclusion when I entered the building (which I later learned is where they filmed much of the ‘Saw’ movies) and found a labrynth of long hallways, dead ends, and what appeared to be cells, each lit by one lonely light bulb. Some contained nothing and others a single chair. There was a 100 percent chance that I was going to be bound, tortured, slaughtered and have my hair unceremoniously tousled. The horror. The horror.
After wandering around like a retarded mouse in a terrifying maze of nightmares, I finally came across this:
A fairy porncess.
The adorably cute Lexi Belle was sitting there, looking as innocent as a girl who swallows cock for a living can look. Seeing her instantly allayed my fears because, regardless of any murderous intentions, I was relatively confident I could take her. So instead of screaming like a bitch and running from the warehouse basement, I decided to have a chat with the lovely Lexi. Luckily I brought my video camera and soon I’ll post our discourse for your viewing pleasure.
After talking to Lexi for a bit she said, “I think they’ve started fucking. Fucking? Who? Where? How do you know? She’s either got a bionic ear or some sort of sexth sense that makes her labia tingle when people start having intercourse. Regardless, she felt the fornication causing a rift in the force and decided we should seek it out. “Let’s go watch,” she chirps brightly.
My tour guide (I refrained from the obvious ‘whore guide’ pun. Oops, no I didn’t) starts leading me through the dark corridors of the basement of doom and I wonder if I’m going to see people having sex or if she’s the hostess seating me for “Painful Demise, Party of One”. But as we continue I start to hear the subtle sound of bodies slapping together and movie moaning, then realize that I’m about to come up on a live smut scene. Suddenly I start hoping it’s a recording and they’re actually going to kill me in some heinous fashion.
This is probably a good time to reiterate that I don’t really care to watch other people doing it. I am not now, nor have I ever been, a porn fan. I’m not against it as a genre of masturbatory entertainment, it’s just not for me. I prefer to have my sex with an actual human being and, when I do take care of myself, I typically fantasize about a real person that I know. Don’t get me wrong, I have and do occasionally watch a little cinematic sex, but it’s not a regular practice. Over the years the frequency with which I view it has diminished to negligible levels. Once you’ve fucked twenty or so pornstars, jerking off while watching them bang other dudes loses it’s allure. Trust me on that.
So Lexi leads me toward the light er, lights rather. I can see the bright glow of a lighting kit emanating and it draws us in like pervy little moths. We quietly sneak up on the doorway and the first thing I see is a cameraman’s ass. Once he steps to the side, the scene unfolds in front of me.
It appears to be an abandoned boiler room with various rusty and decaying equipment. The only things that seem to be recent additions are the film equipment and a small twin mattress placed directly on the floor. On top of said mattress is the star of the film, AJ Bailey, and on top of AJ is some dude. I’m immediately self conscious and glance over at Lexi who’s watching with a little smile on her face, as if she’s seeing puppies frolic in a daffodil filled meadow. I guess it’s not that different of a scene if one of the puppies had a giant cock and was making a girl puppy scream at the top of her puppy lungs. Nobody notices that we’re watching although at one point I think the huge penis looked at me and waved. One of my favorite phrases immediately came to mind. “I am wildly uncomfortable.”
We watch for a little while then Lexi Belle gets distracted by a shiny object and wanders off. I’m left alone to witness Miss AJ Bailey, Vivid’s newest contract star, in her first boy/girl scene ever. The director stops the action for a moment and offers up some verbal notes while the male performer gets a drink of water. I realize this is just the beginning. The bulk of the show is still to come.
STAY TUNED for part 2 of I Remember It Vivid-ly. Coming this week.
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