Bleach For The Eyes!!!

Question: “What do you do if you have bleach in your eyes?”

Answer:

“Bleach or (most) other things in the eyes must be rinsed out immediately. It’s a must. You absolutely must get to a doctor, but the first aid is lots and lots of water across the eyes. Now. It’s first aid, isn’t it?
This is classic first aid. It is one of a number of things that allows immediate, non-professional intervention to execute the best option for damage control in a situation where life and/or health are at stake. Think about it like this. Picture a hospital custodial employee who was working in an ER lobby reaching down and picking up an open bottle of bleach. His finger slips out of the grip, and the bottle falls a foot or two to the floor to land on its bottom. Liquid bleach splashes up out of the bottle and hits the staffer in his eyes.
This happens in an ER setting. A medical staffer (physician, nurse, nursing assistant – or another custodial staffer) will immediately get the individual to a sink and start running water to irrigate the eyes of the affected individual. Just like you would do. It’s just that simple.”

Now, let’s look at another aspect of proverbial bleach to the eyes.  While the literal sense of the action means most likely you could go blind, if you’ve witnessed something over the internet so horrific that it may seem like you would need medical attention for your vision to be restored.  While bleach to the eyes, isn’t the most likely solution, viewing picutres of the cutest animals on the planet are.  ie… Bleach to the eyes.

Studies have shown that after witnessing something traumatic, the best way to erase your memory is through viewing puppies and kittens doing stupid things, and looking funny.  Very similar to watching a horror movie by yourself before bed, and needing to turn on some cartoons to remind your brain that you must forget the gore so that the last thing you see before closing your eyes was NOT a zombie eating a child.  In fact, quite the opposite.  You want your brain to interpret the last thing you see, as a group of fuckin teddy bears living up in the clouds with hearts on their chests, doing good deeds for random everyday people.

Have you ever witnessed something so dirty that you felt like you needed to spray antiseptic directly into your eye holes?
Have you ever watched porn that someone told you about in a way, where you can never get that 5 minutes of your life back?

“Two girls, one cup”?  Or maybe, “It’s Only Smellz…”  How about that guy who died after being banged by a horse?

There are so many pictures, and videos on the internet these days, that are completely unsafe for you to witness.  Some photos can tramautize you for life.  Some probably already have!
What you must do to alleviate your eyes and brain from the paralysis:

Now Watch This To Alleviate:

Kittens and puppies – There is nothing nefarious about kittens and puppies. Play with them. Throw them catnip, mice (puppies will play with them, it’s just not as fun). If you’ve got one of those little laser lights, cats and dogs will both chase them. When they get all tired and pass out, you’ll get your “Awwww” moment and “Anal Bangers” will soon be forgotten.

And Now To Alleviate:

SpongeBob SquarePants – Watching SpongeBob or any other kiddie cartoon or movie will get you thinking about something other than deep dicking anal, or horses banging your mom, that you’ve just seen. Also recommended: The Smurfs, Scooby Doo (but not the mummy, vampire, werewolf or Creature from the Black Lagoon episodes, for obvious reasons), Animaniacs or even Family Guy.  I personally go for American Dad, as Roger the alien makes me chuckle beyond belief.

And Now To Alleviate Your Symptoms:

Hakuna Matata – Sing a happy song. Repeatedly. Hakuna Matata will get rid of any lingering fright leftover from The Blair Dick Project. Also try Bobby McFerrin’s Don’t Worry, Be Happy or join hands with your friends and family for a rousing rendition of Kumbaya.  Just try it.

And Now To Alleviate:

YouTube – Watch funny videos. They’re guaranteed to make you think about other things, thus getting Edward Penishands our of your head. Suggestions: Epic Rap Battles of History, Distastrophe Films or search “funny cats.”  Cats ALWAYS work!

Valium, Ativan, Ambien, Alcohol-or-all of the above at the same time – Sometimes a scary porn is so scary that we just can’t sleep after watching it. In those situations, a little “help” may be required. Please note that I said a little. Drinking a fifth of Jack before bedtime might be fine for now, but you will pay for it in the morning. (I am in no way advocating taking prescription medication that is not prescribed for you. This can get you two to five in an eight by ten and Lexington Steele will be the least of your worries.)

And Now To Alleviate:

Its also important to note, that the more pictures of cute stuff you can view the better your odds are of forgetting!!!

Above all else, remember that it’s just a movie. Yes, bad things happen all the time, but the chances of someone videotaping you from behind pink socking your ass  while you’re simply minding your own business are pretty slim. You are also not likely to ever feel the loads of 50 guys in a gym during a gangbang.  So in the end, you have nothing to fear, but I understand the worry.  These things get remembered.  They just do.
If you repeatedly have problems getting your brain on the safe track after watching porn movies, then they are probably not for you. Try Lilo & Stitch, Madagascar or The Lion King instead. Or the Teletubbies, but some of us are more scared of those… things than anything porn.com could ever come up with!

And Now For The Alleviation:

If you are one of those people who just can’t accept what I’m telling you, then here is a 10 step program to frying your brain completely clean of all the fucked up shit you’ve seen:
1)Remember that it’s not real:  It’s supposed to shock you!  Remember that it’s just a trick.  You are not less safe then you were before.  If you need more help, just remember that a porn set usually has other people off camera watching what’s going on LIVE, let alone on the internet.  So feel sorry for them, stop thinking about yourself!!!

2)Watch something peaceful, cute, funny or nice afterwards:  This is what it’s all about.  Bleach for the eyes.  If the cute animals trick doesn’t work, turn on a chic-flick.  If that doesn’t work, then quite possibly you could be hopeless.

3)Remember, the adult film business really didn’t invest mega Warner Bros.  money into making their films:   So whatever looks real, just remember in a perfect world, they would have liked to make it look even more real, through special effects and craziness.. So in the end, you got off light!

And Now To Alleviate:

4)After the film think of all the fake and non crazy things of the movie:  Focus less on the 5 dicks anal and think more about the french kissing.  Pretend like a violent gangbang was actually a missionary love making session.  Some of this is going to have to be up to you and your imagination.

And We Must Alleviate:

5)Think of something positive or something you are doing the next day:  Hopefully the more family related the better.  Get over to your parents house, or grandparents house and let them explain a long, drawn out boring story about the war, or some slowly told history lesson about “what it was like back in their day”.  Chances are, it won’t have anything to do with porn, horror, internet, reality t.v, or anything even remotely related to today’s society.  In fact there might even be a good chance that, their stories will revolve around a farm, and water well in the field, church, or maybe even what it was like, when they first came to America.  You catch my drift.

6)Do an activity to get your mind off of it: go to the gym and lift weights.. Get on a cardio bike or treadmill and push your own body to limits you never knew you could, so that you can easily sway you rmind into “the now” and force it to stop thinking about “what was.”
7)Talk about the movie, as it really does help:  Go see someone that can help you with your problem.  Your shrink, your doctor, your therapist… A woman perhaps…  Get your mind off it.  Write down all the things that worry you about it, then just stay away from those things.

8)Imagine the scary scene over and over again in your mind: Each time make the scene less scary.  For example, maybe the big cock that had been inserted with a waterfall of semen in the girl, could be more imagined as a garden hose pouring water all over a blossoming flower.

9)If the movie is on DVD try burning it, in a campfire:  So what you want to do is acquire the DVD in physical form and make sure when you toss it in the fire, you have to say something as if you’re letting it go from your heavy heart.  ie..”you tried to ruin my life, but i’m letting you go forever mother fucker!!!  Rot in hell you piece of shit!”

10)Make fun of the movie with your friends:  Get together with all your buddies over some beers, and talk shit about the flick.  Talk shit about the dick and talk shit about whatever else bothered you.  It’s important to let it all go, and if you can gather up some funny jokes in the process, who knows… Maybe a career change into standup comedy will make sense?

After viewing so much PORN and CUTE PICTURES, does this bacon burger look like something else to you?

Now To Alleviate:

THE END!