COME ON GUYS, IT’S APRIL FOOL’S DAY !
Charlie Sheen to Sell X-Play’s House of Whores XXX DVD During Live ‘Violent Torpedo of Truth’ Concert Appearances
(Hollywood, CA ) Charlie Sheen has announced that his ‘Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour will be selling X-Play’s Not Charlie Sheem’s House of Whores XXX DVD along with custom t-shirts and other Sheen memorabilia as he tours the country performing his live theater concert shows starting this Saturday in Detroit.
“I thought it would be a good item to offer at the shows because people want to see the girls I’ve fucked,” Sheen said as he prepared an Al bacore tuna salad in his Mulholland mansion with his goddess adult superstar Bree Olson looking on in amazement.
“We can only sell fifteen items in each venue and the truth is people would rather buy a porn DVD featuring my goddesses and other sluts I’ve rammed rather than buying a Charlie Sheen winning keychain or something stupid like that plus the markup is so much higher on the DVD.”
“Charlie is really a fascinating guy and I’ll be with him on tour keeping him happy, “Bree who now prefers to be called Rachel offered.
“I mean look at him he’s good looking, in shape, has a fabulous sense of humor and loves porn like I do. I just love him,” gushed Bree who also starred in X-Play’s recently released hit movie Not Bionic Woman & the Six Million Dollar Man XXX porn parody.
“Plus most people don’t know but he’s an excellent cook and a really good square dancer and I should know because I’m from Indiana .”
Adult movie director Will Ryder was shocked when he received the phone call from Sheen inquiring about selling his movie on the sold-out concert tour.
“I was quite honored when he called and at first thought it was a prank but he actually called me a few times before that but I didn’t recognize the number so I let it go to voicemail so that was the first time I actually spoke to him,” Ryder said.
“I’ve now saved his number in my phone so when he calls again I’ll pick up but he was really cool and we talked about a bunch of different things including the difference between shooting a sitcom versus a sitcum. He agreed that there really wasn’t much of a difference other than the amount of money the cast and crew got paid after he checked out sitcums.com and saw our spoofs of the Brady Bunch and Married with Children. Bree told him I was a piano player so he then asked me to put a live band together for him to appear on stage during his shows,” reflected Ryder who is a professional musician in his spare time.
“He kind of wanted that Paul Shaffer type of thing but I told him it’s really costly to bring a live band on tour plus he would have to pay each musician and the roadies a per diem and that would really add up. But the truth is as much as I’d like to go on the road with him I really don’t have time because I have to get my next porn movies out. Charlie understood and asked me to send him a copy of Not Jennifer Lopez XXX An American Idol and Not Rocky XXX when they come out.”
Ryder was then invited over to casa Sheen to work out the business arrangement for DVD sales but was unsuccessful in getting Sheen to carry Not Bionic Woman & the Six Million Dollar Man XXX movie.
“He actually loved the bionic movie as we watched part of it in his home theater and he told me that there were nights that he could swear Bree had a real bionic pussy but he made the decision that he didn’t want the lobby of his shows to look like a porn shop so he was just going with the one DVD and I can certainly respect that,” Ryder confessed.
“In his movie theater I think I sat in the same chair that Kacey Jordan got naked in during her wild night but I was afraid to ask because Bree was sitting right next to me and when he popped in Not Charlie Sheem’s House of Whores XXX she asked him to skip over Kacey’s scene.” Ryder stated. “I’m not sure what was going on there.”
Not Charlie Sheem’s House of Whores XXX www.sitcums.com stars Kacey Jordan, Capri Anderson, Melanie Rios, Tanner Mayes, Gigi Rivera, Jenna Presley, Bree Olson and the late great Chloe Jones. Shyla Jennings also appears in the top-selling DVD although nobody is suggesting he had sex with her.
“Damn that Shyla broad is cute I would have loved to put two and a half men in her,” Sheen joked.
“I told you he was funny,” chirped Bree Olson.
When asked why he named the movie Charlie Sheem instead of Charlie Sheen Ryder told him that he did it because he didn’t want to get sued.
“Bro you are way cool I would never sue you,” Sheen quickly responded.
The two then slapped fives and man hugged before the three posed for a photo.
Not Charlie Sheem’s House of Whores XXX and Not Bionic Woman & the Six Million Dollar Man XXX are available at fine stores everywhere. Find out what all the fuss is about and see what Charlie’s been bangin’.