I left porn on October 6, 2006. I did not receive another dime from my website. I had a contract with a company to run my website and they refused to take it down. They have exploited the fact that I am now a Christian. I have seen website affiliates mock me and my change. I even saw a nude picture of myself with photoshopped pictures of Jesus’ face covering my breasts. The old website continues to run because I cannot afford a lawyer. I get so upset every time I get an email from another Christian accusing me of profiting. I also worked for many companies who own the rights to my photos. You see in the porn business they make sure you sign a model release that says that once they pay you your modeling fee they own the photos. It’s all a way to protect themselves in case the girls change their minds or in my case give their lives over to Christ.
I struggle daily with my past mistakes not because I feel condemned because I know there is no condemnation in Christ, but because I worry that my past will lead others down the wrong path. It causes me so much grief to think that other young women might see my past and be persuaded to get involved in porn or to think that my old images are fuel to someone addicted to porn.
Two months after leaving porn I went completely broke and lost my vehicle. I still had to pay rent and bills and God provided for me in this time. I took out my hair extensions and lost the fake nails. No more spa, no more gym membership, no more restaurants. It was hard to leave all the luxuries behind but I still continued in my pursuit of God. I began to attend church regularly twice a week, went on a retreat with my church, met with my pastor and my mentor. I went through much anxiety about not having any money. I broke out in hives over and over, got very little sleep, and gained a little weight. A spiritual war began as I suffered nightmares almost every night and had to learn to take control of it. Greater is the one who is within me than the one who is of this world! God used that time of anxiety to strengthen my dependence on him. Slowly my anxiety diminished more and more. I still deal with some but not nearly how I did months ago!
January 2, 2007, I began working in a law office as a receptionist and making just enough money to pay my bills. At the same time I was dealing with a lot of my issues from my past – past abortions, abuse, anger, and depression (which is why I haven’t blogged much since then.) It has been quite the rollercoaster…
I think porn’s primary attraction to most men is that it humiliates the beautiful (not just the women who appear in it, but all women are devalued, their beauty is no longer special because you can just go online and get an analogue version of that gorgeous chick you saw at the gym and get your rocks off without the hassle of marriage, children and responsibility).
This blog post raises more questions than it answers. Were you fired or did you quit your receptionist job? What did you think a criminal defense legal practice does? They defend those accused of criminal acts. Why were you willing to work there when they primarily defended drunk drivers but couldn’t tolerate them defending those accused of domestic violence? Far more people are killed by drunk drivers than are killed in domestic violence incidents. When you took out your hair extensions and got rid of the fake nails, did you consider removing the bolt-ons from your chest? Have you considered auctioning the implants off to the fanbois at ADT? That should raise enough for next month’s rent. How the hell are going to afford college tuition if you only have the change in your purse? How many Muslim kids walk to Israel to have their heart problems treated? Can’t be more than a few. And what makes you think those Muzzies want you around anyway? Infidel! When you finally realize that porn is all you are good for, will you start doing double anal and stop begging for money on your myspace blog?
Ceara Lynch posts: “Are you implying men go through the “hassle” of marriage, children, and responsibility just so they can get laid? I thought that’s what sluts and hookers were for.”
The day that most men in this society turn to sluts and hookers to meet their sexual needs will mark the beginning of the end of civilization (which is based upon sublimating sexual desire into useful things such as hard work and family).
Here’s some background on Crissy Moran.