OK I’m going to say one more thing about this subject and then I’d really like to be done with it. As usual, I was too impetuous in my email, and I should’ve left my opinions out of it. When I wrote it, I was weary about including the words that have earned me this criticism, but my parents wanted it out ASAP so that we could garner some support for Cytherea before the whole thing lost it’s momentum. It all came from a conversation I’d had with a friend earlier, about some of the negative reaction I’d already gotten to my mother’s attempts on Cytherea’s behalf– and admittedly, some of it came from me, at the beginning. I think I had bought too much into “tend to your side of the street” aphorism (this is all AA crap– some of you know what I’m talking about) and I initially felt that my mom was enabling Cytherea, rather than helping her. My mom has a tendency to want to “save” people, and I admit sometimes it gets on my nerves. But then I realized that she played a huge part in “saving” me, and if it hadn’t been for her efforts and support, I would not be sober today.
So my friend and I talked about the general low self-esteem this industry harbors, and the way it treats it’s female performers. I realize this is landmine territory I’m stepping into here, because obviously not everyone in porn treats the girls badly, and just because a girl does a scene in which she’s “sexually degraded” doesn’t mean the girl is weak and allows people to walk all over her in real life. I myself am pretty kinky, and though I consider myself a fairly tough chick, I love to be sexually degraded in intimate situations. But try and debase me outside of the bedroom, and I’ll kick your ass. I’m digressing, but I just want to be clear that I’m not issuing a blanket statement here and dismissing all the girls as weak-minded individuals, nor am I suggesting that all pornographers are mysoginists. Those of you who know me know that I don’t like to generalize, and that I truly like a lot of people in the porn biz.
So when Cytherea fell into the deep abyss of drug-addiction, many of us laughed at her with the thought: “Well, she’s a pornstar, what do you expect? She must’ve been an inept, wretched soul anyhow– look what she chose as a career.” It just seems to me that when our girls fall prey to unfortunate situations such as: drug addiction, manipulative boyfriends, unplanned pregnancies, poverty, etc, it’s immediately thought that such things are inevitable for pornstars. Instead of acknowledging such things happen to people of all occupations, the finger is summarily pointed at the porn industry, and the corruption it supposedly wreaks upon the poor, helpless souls of those embroiled in it. This kind of shit happens to everyone, especially those in the entertainment industry, and this of course includes our famous celebrities, such as say, Lindsey Lohan, to be relevant. But she’s got managers, agents, family, whatever, to push her back into rehab. We don’t have that. We also don’t have a union to help take care of those in these kinds of situations.
I’ve heard people bitch about the disorganization of the porn industry, and I was just wondering if that was due to the fact that the porn industry is for the most part populated with uneducated people who can’t get their shit together, because anyone who does have their shit together wouldn’t get involved in porn because it’s not accepted by the general public. It’s interesting to imagine that if the shame that’s associated with porn wasn’t there, if it was actually accepted as a legitimate enterprise, how different would it be? Would we have treated Cytherea’s plight differently, with loving compassion instead of mocking indifference? Perhaps it’s just human nature to kick people when they’re down, so that we can feel better about our own shortcomings.
Now I’m not suggesting that people in the industry should feel that it’s their duty to coddle Cytherea. She did not make wise decisions, and of course her new boyfriend should get a fucking job. That does irritate me tremendously. And that being said, when we asked, many people did pony up $$$ to help Cytherea out– their names were listed in Luke’s posting (except for Keith O’Connor’s name, his donation came after the post had already gone up. Thank you Keith, BTW). So, really, people did pull together and lent some much needed support to Cytherea. You all rock, and Cytherea appreciates it very much.
So I’m not really sure I actually defended myself here, and I doubt many of you will have the patience to read through all of this (I know I wouldn’t). I’m just ranting (impetuously, I admit), and I’m sure I’m going to wish I’d just left this subject alone and let it die. Do I sound a bit silly even contemplating all of this? Yeah, I’m absolutely sure that I do. Am I naive in wanting to help Cytherea and her unborn child, hoping that the small efforts on our behalf are setting her on a path towards a better future for her and her baby? Most likely. But honestly, I’d rather be optimistic and proven wrong, then be pessimistic and never give anyone a chance. Because thank God people gave me a chance.
OK I know this is going to encourage LOTS of criticism, but please people don’t take any of this personally, I’m not reproaching anyone here. I love you all, even though you may find me to be a silly dingbat.
Now I know what it feels like to go on a DaBurg rant. Wow it’s a long way down from my soapbox.