NL-Mikey is a new writer for LIB, be gentle with him. We need some smiles around here after the week we’ve had, so here’s an opinion that will also give you a chuckle.
Dad, What’s an Erection?
By Mikey Sinn
So last Sunday I’m watching my beloved Broncos get the tar kicked out of them by the Ravens with my six year old son when an ad for Cialis appears on my screen. I start talking to him about how bad our team looks to try and distract him from the “… if you use nitrates or have a bad heart…” when he stops me dead in my tracks and asks “Dad, what’s an erection?”
I pondered his question for a minute and thought about the most tactful way to answer him. I thought about using the whole “a skyscraper is an example of an erect building” analogy. Instead I went with “You know when you wake up in the morning and have to pee, but you have to stand a ways away from the commode?”
He nodded approvingly as he knew what I was talking about. Then came the harder question to answer: “Why would someone want to have one of those? That’s like the toughest pee of the day.”
His last question was answered with a simple “I don’t know son.”
But the question got me thinking about why in the hell I have to be put in the situation to explain such a thing to my son who has no idea what sex is? I’m a responsible parent. I utilize the parental controls on my cable box, I don’t even turn on the radio around my kids because I don’t want to have to explain why Katy Perry kissed a girl or what the Young Money guys are talking about in “Bed Rock”.
I deplore censorship and don’t look for the government to protect my kids from what they should or should not see. That’s my job and should be the job of every parent, not our elected officials. I like to assume however, that when I’m watching a sport as deeply embedded in Americana as football that I shouldn’t have to be subjected to commercials for Cialis, Viagra, Trojan, Massengil or even Activia. Not because these are necessarily lurid products, but have you ever been eating when the commercial with Jamie Lee Curtis talking about regulating your digestive system comes on? The visual of Jamie Lee hunkered down with her face scrunched up and turning red is enough to ruin the images I’ve held so long of her in “Halloween” and “True Lies”.
Maybe I take for granted that we live in such a conservative society with so many people who like to sit atop their high horse and deem what is and isn’t acceptable for the entire country. I can trust that the Enzyte ads with Bob won’t appear during SpongeBob, but if I want to watch sports with my son I have to duck and dodge condom and penis pill ads? It doesn’t make sense to me. How many men with erectile issues are really worrying about it while Halladay was pitching his no hitter? Aren’t sports an avenue of escapism from our problems?
The bottom line of course is money. As long as Cialis or whoever is paying top dollar to appeal to the guy in his fifties who doesn’t want a faulty pecker, then who cares about the guy trying to bond with his youngster without having extremely awkward conversations with him? Am I the only one amused by the hypocrisy of CBS or the NFL? They freaked out years ago about Janet Jackson showing her titty because of the “damage and harm” it caused the children watching yet had no problem taking the $2.5 million from Pfizer to promote Viagra on the very same telecast? Showing a boob is very bad but promoting something to make a dick hard isn’t?
This isn’t a plea for censorship. This is merely a request for common decency and some consideration for the guy who wants to escape the real troubles of the world for a few hours and bond with his son without having to deal with talking about why someone would take a pill to get a woody.