Could there be a more awkward conversation? I mean, explaining to your kids what you do for a living. Parents are often concerned about their kids watching porn, but what if they are pornstars themselves? Imagine what a pornstar who spends her time being fucked by guys with nicknames such as Thug Of Porn would have to tell her kids.
Anyway, away from the awkwardness, pornstars are real people who have every right to enjoy family pleasure just like the rest of us. And yes, all the challenges notwithstanding, there are indeed pornstars who are parents. Working in an industry that has been blamed for over-sexualization is already tough enough, but being a parent while working in the adult entertainment industry is even tougher. However, contrary to popular opinion, pornstars can be great individuals and great parents as well. Their work is legal and watched by millions across the world for fuck’s sake.
It’s all about balance
Let’s face it; adult entertainers face a lot of backlash from the society. While it is normal to watch porn, working in the industry is still seen as profoundly taboo. Pornstars with kids find it even more stringent, as they have to sort of build a wall between their work and their normal lives. Don’t even mention the challenge of letting your kids know what you do for a living before they find out from the internet.
Manuel Ferrara is a renowned pornstar who is also a five-time Adult Video News (AVN) award winner of the male performer of the year and guess what, he has FOUR kids. Not to say it was easy, but he had to explain to his 11-year old son what he does for a living: “As a dad you know you are going to have to have that conversation and it has to be from you. You don’t want your kids to hear it from someone else or start watching porn and see your parents,” he says.
While being a pornstar is far from being an ordinary job, you wouldn’t recognize a pornstar from a million miles away. Ferrara says: “Outside of our job we are super regular people. If you come to my house, you won’t know we are in the adult industry. We live in a very safe environment. It’s a quiet neighborhood, and we are a regular family.”
He actually thinks working in the porn industry has its benefits since it affords him time to bond with his kids. “There are people that don’t do porn but do not have much bonding time with their children. My job sometimes is only two hours a day. I might be a porn star but being a porn star has given me the luxury to spend quality time with my children.” So, there you have it.
It is tricky business
Being honest about being a pornstar is already tough, but it is tougher on mothers. Few believe that a woman who has sex in front of the camera can be equally caring and nurturing as a mother. The first challenge, according to former adult performer Aurora Snow, is the amount of information you share. It’s more secrets, fewer conversations in what she says ‘is a tricky business.’
Alana Evans knows the challenge too well, having worked in the industry for two decades while raising a family. She says she joined the porn industry to financially support her son after coming out of an abusive relationship. However, at some point, she was banned from entering the school where her stepdaughter was studying after teachers became aware of her daytime job. What a bunch of miserable losers.
And how did her son react once he learned that his mom has sex in front of the camera for a living? “The fact that I used my body to make my living caused my son to have more respect for me because it meant that it didn’t matter what I did to myself, I would do it for him,” she says. She is now stable and able to provide a comfortable life for her son.
What about the digital footprint?
Perhaps the biggest challenge is the digital footprints all pornstars leave behind, leave alone parents. How do you knock off all that nudity when your name is searched on Google? They also have to deal with how all this will affect their children because more often than not, a search for a pornstar with family is likely to bring information regarding their children as well.
Aurora Snow says the thought of teaching her kid that sex is a personal and intimate thing still remains a challenge. “As a mommy, I didn’t feel I could ever explain away the hypocrisy of my feelings. Now here I am, a retired porn star, in a loving, monogamous relationship and with a toddler of my own. I’m still debating how to have those conversations later in life.” She plans to write an open letter for her son once he is old enough for the internet explaining the choices she made before his birth.
And now to answer your question if I haven’t already, pornstars DO have kids. And why wouldn’t they? There are challenges in every other aspect of life, not only in the porn industry. Some of these pornstars have more stable, beautiful families than most of the folks dishing out criticism and stigma. They love and protect their children, and that’s what matters as far as The Porn Dude is concerned.