Five Smartest Pornstars!

It’s a widely held belief that all porn performers are dumb, crack-addled charm school dropouts, who’ve exhausted all their life options and do porn as kind of a last resort. Admittedly, I used to be one of those people who were quick to brand porn stars as dim-witted jizz jars.

But after some journalistic research (Google), I discovered FIVE notable adult film stars who’ve accomplished a fuck ton in academic achievements (I’m talking Masters degrees and Doctorates here, sonny jim), musical prowess and other ambitious pursuits that are sure to give you something to ponder the next time you’re splayed out bottomless on your couch caught in a bit of the ‘ol fist of fury.

1.) Ron Jeremy

Before our bloated, but beloved Ron “Hedgehog” Jeremy become an iconic journeyman hole-pounder, he earned his master’s degree in Special Education from Queens College and helped shape young minds in the New York City area. In addition to his teaching credentials, Ron was quite the talented pianist, but with a hulking 10-inch cock between his legs, Ron decided that endless decades full of easy sex with hot porn stars seemed more of an interesting career choice than playing some unheard venue like Carnegie Hall.


Pimp, Ron, Pimp


2.) Nina Hartley

Now, here’s a fine-spun woman who’s spent her life fighting the good fight against hypocritical conservative ding bats. In the 90’s, Nina Hartley had the minerals to go on national T.V, in front of legions of angry, pissed off women and defend the porn biz on “Oprah” of all platforms. I’m surprised Oprah herself didn’t crash down from the studio rafters in her XXL diamond-encrusted robot battle suit and blast a rocket to Nina’s dome. (Yes, of course that’s what you get when you become a billionaire, jeeez)

Before she became porn’s eloquent spokesperson, Nina Hartley graduated magna cum laude from San Fransisco State University’s undergraduate nursing school in 1985. To make you feel even more depressed about your life, as well as being a registered nurse, Nina Hartley is also a sex educator, sex-positive feminist and published author.


This is one chick you can’t fuck her brains out


3.) Asia Carrera

Okay, so Carnegie Hall is actually a pretty big deal. Like the big deal. Located in the heart of Midtown Manhattan in New York City, just two blocks south of Central Park sits the legendary concert venue. Asia Carrera was so ridiculously talented at the piano that she performed there when she was only 15. TWICE. Then, by 16, she taught English at Tsuruga College in Japan. It’s also a confirmed fact that this busty half German/half Japanese bombshell is a member of nanny nanny boo boo genius club, Mensa with an IQ of 156.

That’s 4 points lower than goddamn Albert “A-Bomb” Einstein.

Definitely not your average math and science Asian…


4.) Shy Love

This Sicilian/Puerto Rican hottie zipped through and finished high school at 16 and then went on to earn a bachelor’s degree in Accounting, then upped it to a Master’s Degree. Not yet content with her humble achievements in academia, Shy Love made bank working for a multi-national pet pharmaceutical company in Fort Lauderdale, Florida while enrolling in night classes to eventually earn her SECOND Master’s degree in Taxation. As we speak, this big-tittied ingenue runs her own talent management agency!


5.) Katie Morgan

So I’m totally shoehorning Katie Morgan in this last slot. Everyone’s heard Katie tout her questionable genius IQ level of 165. Unconfirmed or not, I don’t really care, but that air of uncertainty lets me sleep easier at night, knowing Katie Morgan may just be full of shit and not have an IQ higher than room temperature.

Argh, but she’s just too damn witty on her radio show and television appearances to just be a ditzy blond, right? But it’s dawned on me that porn stars are all deep down very fiscally smart, after all, they’re getting paid crazy dollars to have orgasms all day!


Careful ya eager spitfuck, don’t wanna pull another Zack and Miri…

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