With the supposed end of the world soon approaching us, I found it a little easy to avoid the “Year’s Best” or “2012 In Review” type of posts, simply because, if the Mayans, who sacrificed mother fuckers to appease their gods were right, then what’s the point. So this list is all about the all-time best. Forget about Christmas, forget about Boxing Day shopping, forget about New Year’s, forget about your next birthday… If Armageddon is coming, then you will not have time to buy that 60″ Smart TV that just came out with 3D picture for 50% off.
No. You will only have enough time to read this post and maybe get a chance to check out these radically, awesome clips. I don’t want to bring up the Y2K fiasco but it’s hard not to recall the fear that was instilled in folks. Everything these days has a subliminal message behind it. Y2K, subliminally was simply nothing more then KY2. (KY Jelly that was recalled, rebranded, and then put back out on the market as the 2nd edition. There you have it: KY2. –mix the letters around, and you got Y2K, and a major uproar and scare to the entire planet.)
This list is dedicated to all the awesome people out there who believe Armageddon is not just a movie starring Bruce Willis, and that the end of days will arrive in a week or so… Without further adieu, please enjoy the best and most controversial sex tapes of all time.
Counting down. At # 10:
Kid Rock & Scott Stapp from Creed, with groupies.
Do we need to mention Kid Rock and talk about his behavior and attitude? Nah.. I think it was clear a tape would reveal itself soon enough. To be honest, knowing who that guy is, I was surprised that a whole series of tapes didn’t emerge from the dust and ashes of his past relationships. Let’s talk about Nickelback though. Shit, I mean Creed. (The precursor to Nickelback.) A side note: I do believe that Chad Keruger or Kroger or whatever, probably owns and still listens to every Creed album ever made. I used to read how Tipper Gore and her fuckin’ clan of crazies would set KISS records on fire back in the day, and how troubled teens would blow their heads off listening to Judas Priest and Ozzy records. But no Creed records were ever harmed? I am willing to bet that no one in Creed’s entourage has ever even drawn a cock and balls in permanent marker on Scott Stapp’s face while sleeping on a tour bus either? So this will be my attempt at a proverbial version of the cock and balls drawing on Scott Stapp’s face.
Apparently this guy is a Christian and Creed’s music is Christian based. Which is awesome, because it makes him look like an even bigger douche bag when the semi sex tape surfaced with Kid Rock and Scott getting blowjobs from their groupies. Honestly, he’ll never be able to live it down. At one point, he looks over to Kid and says, “it’s good to be the king.” I find it difficult to stomach, because Elvis was the king. I’m pretty sure when this tape popped up, Creed was done.
Does anyone remember Tonya Harding for anything else other than this sex tape? I mean, I vaguely recall a stint in the Olympics and a bashing of someone’s knee and a huge ordeal made out of it. I also googled her a little while ago, and came to find out she’s a female boxer now. She gained a whole bunch of weight and became crazy. I do not belive she has ever recovered from her past. And what a colorful past it was!!!
Tonya Harding – Amateur Bride Tany Hard Wedding Night Sex brought to you by PORN.COM
The Immortal Hulk Hogan
So Hulkamania may be over, but in this particular instance, it was “running wild” all over some woman who can barely be depicted on camera over the sheer mass of Hogan’s frame. What makes this movie so revealing has nothing to do with the sex. It’s the conversation. The phone rings several times, Hulk is worried it’s his son Nick. He also discusses how Nick’s girlfriend’s twin sister wants to date Hulk if he in fact gets a divorce. Like I said teh conversation is great. There is a mystery man in an office, you can tell Hulk has some guilt of being there, it’s just great. No one is a role model in this lifetime, and Hulk is definitely no different. Contrary to his mantra from the wrestling days, Hogan proves that being on a reality show really can destroy your life.
Red Light District Entertainment released what looks like a low budget, high intensity porn with the 1-2-3 Kid and Chyna from the WWF appropriately titled: “1 Night in Chyna.” This looks more like a vacation then a porn, but don’t be fooled. Just fastforward all the bullshit and watch them get down to business. These two really look like they’re in love. I have nothing bad to say about this one. Chyna truly takes care of her man in this one. There is another one as well where she’s getting slammed by a “Batista” looking dude, and many other guys too. What can I say? She’s a pro.
This was originally used as a comedy audition tape? It’s boring as fuck, but the late night talk show/comedy queen who was also known for dating 50 Cent bares her tits in this, making it a little more believeable that it could quite possibly have intented to be a sex tape, but the net is channeling it in other ways. Unfortunately, while the scene is a bit graphic, it seems as though its mocking the old Shannon Tweed style late night films. You know the ones. Chick cop knocks on the door or a drug dealer’s house, chick cop walks in, they make coffee, sit and talk, then begin to fuck. Nothing really gets shown other then a fireplace, and a few tit shots. Nothing to really see here, other then her boobs. But it’s still pretty awesome nonetheless.
The chick in this one is pretty smoking, and Collin’s accent is at an all-time high. There’s a truly funny line to watch for in this film, when he’s about to go down on her, Colin says, “holy fuck man, breakfast, lunch and dinner right here!” Great stuff. And an A-List actor proves Hollywood will not oust you if you film your own independent porn. So guys like, Brad Pitt, take note please. Get Angelina Jolie on camera and make it happen!!! No reprecussions will happen, I promise.
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Jenna Lewis (from the hit T.V show Survivor)
Now I remember this lady from Survivor, she seemed like a total bitch with a pleasant voice. I don’t know what else to say about her. I didn’t see this coming whatsoever. Never thought twice about her. But this film is quite graphic, loud and there are enough positions to make a book: “Survivor’s Guide To Kama Sutra”. Ok maybe not, but still is quite fascinating if you’re a fan of the show. But really, who the fuck is still a fan of that show these days?
Jenna Lewis – Happy Milf Sucks Dick Then Spreads For Cock brought to you by PORN.COM
Before everyone was “keeping up with the Kardashians” Kim used her assets for something else. At the beginning of this film, the ever-so-polite Ray J, tells us all to “go hard” when jacking off to this. Kim is reminiscent of a hoover vacuum in the blow job scene. She does this twist and turn maneuver with her hands, that leads us all to believe she’s definitely not a beginner. From start to finish, this doesn’t really play out like a typical sex tape. She’s more like a fuck doll with no emotion. I’m guessing her ass weighs her down a bit too much, and Ray J makes her pay the price for this.
(of fame we have no idea about? My guess is this tape.)
I remember this tape coming out. Everyone wanted to see it. It’s what put her on the map. That’s about it.
Paris Hilton – Hot Heiress Loves A Big Cock In Her Pussy brought to you by PORN.COM
When it’s all said and done, she is my number one pick. Why? Because she did two tapes not just one. She took Brett Michales to town, and then Tommy Lee. She was able to bang two members of rival Hollywood hair metal bands, and have it filmed. That’s pretty cool. Pam Anderson was not just Borat’s icon and fantasy, but I believe she was many people’s fantasy growing up. From nude photos, to the best show on T.V: Baywatch, all the way to mulitple films of her banging rock stars, I don’t think there is a more amazing #1 pick that could fill her spot on this list. It is what it is. She is beautiful, and is a total goddess.
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Pamela Anderson And Tommy Lee Have Honeymoon Sex brought to you by PORN.COM