Tomorrow I leave for Costa Rica– and this is the first real vacation I’ve taken in over 2 years. And I need it, BADLY. I’ve been so stressed out lately (more than usual, and that’s saying a lot), that I’ve noticed it’s been affecting the one thing that matters the most to me: my work. My last two shoots, though great, haven’t had “all of me” there shooting it. I’ve noticed that my usual eagle eye that notices cords in my shots, creases in the model’s waist, or uneven framing, hasn’t been catching all that it should. My cropping has been a little off, and I haven’t been as inspired as I normally am. This bothers me immensely. It’s funny how they say that when you get sober, all your other “isms” rise to the surface, as they are no longer being drowned in gallons of vodka. I’ve come to discover that I am an insane perfectionist, which is infuriating when you’re not even close to being perfect. My room is hardly ever neat and organized, and when I’m in a bad mood, I hate myself for that. I’m angry that I still haven’t gotten around to getting proper sized mattress: I still have a full-sized mattress on a queen-sized frame. I’m pissed that I haven’t composted my vegetable garden yet, and I’m really furious that I still haven’t bought a ping-pong table– summer’s almost over, dammit! WHEN AM I GOING TO GET THAT FUCKING PING-PONG TABLE!!!!
And then, rational Holly rears her head, if just for a moment, and whispers: “This is crazy. Life’s not about ping-pong tables.”
Well, for the next week and a half, life is going to be about canopy tours, hiking, scuba diving, sleeping, reading, eating, fishing, and surfing. Well, surfing lessons. And I’m not going to do any of it perfectly. Promise.