How often do couples have sex

If you married or at least in a serious relationship, at some point you must have asked yourself; how much sex should a normal couple be having? The fact that you are here asking yourself that question means you may already be in some kind of trouble, but don’t worry, am just guessing.

You are not the first to ask yourself that question. The thing is, life is busy. It is also filled with hypersexual images and videos dominating our airwaves, and it is normal for couples to wonder whether they probably should be having more sex. People are quick to compare themselves with others when it comes to the amount of sex they are having, but there is really no magic number, as we’ll find out shortly. Sex therapists have a lot to say about this.

The average time

Sex experts seem to agree that there is no specific number of times that a couple should be having sex, but what is the average? Well, there is also no definite answer to that either. It could be once per week; it could be twice per month, the numbers vary. According to Ian Kerner, Ph.D., ‘there’s no one right answer.’

The fact is, several factors determine how often couples get between the sheets. They include age, lifestyle, each partner’s health and natural libido and, of course, the quality of their whole relationship, to name just a few. All those factors considered it would be impossible to point out the average number of times. Experts, however, seem to agree that it should at least be once per week.

According to David Schnarch, Ph.D., through a study that involved over 20,000 couples, he established that only 26% of couples hit the ‘once per week’ mark. Majority of the respondents reported having sex only once or twice per month, or less!

Another study printed in The University of Chicago Press about a decade ago showed that married couples have sex about 7 times a month, which translates to less than twice a week. In yet another study involving 16,000 adults, it was established that older couples have sex 2-3 times per month while younger couples said they were having sex about once a week.

Understanding each other

For couples to understand each other’s need for sex and how frequently, it is important for them to hold an open and honest conversation on the same. Some people like having sex every day, and they do it. Others are probably too busy and have other priorities and sex is not on top of their priority list, so they have sex less frequently.

But according to experts, it is not the frequency of sex that matters; it is the couple’s willingness to discuss it openly and understand each other. Heidi Crockett, a licensed psychotherapist in Florida and an (AASECT) American Association of Sexuality educators, counselors and therapists, certified sex therapist said;

“If both people in the couple have a general desire to want to please their partner and participate in the relationship and talk about things openly, usually something can be negotiated that can satisfy both people,” Crockett said.

Redefined and scheduled sex

When it comes to satisfying each other’s sexual needs, the couple can figure out what best works for them. One partner may want to have sex three times a week while the other is less enthusiastic. In such cases, other sex acts can be substituted for sexual intercourse. The couple can redefine what sex to them is, so they work out something that is mutually beneficial. That could mean reading a book together, watching videos on connecting, jerking off among others.

When it comes to sex, people have this romantic picture in their minds. But it is difficult for people to have as much sex as they would like considering how busy everyone is nowadays. The finest thing a couple can do is schedule sex just the way they schedule other things like classes. If they have kids, they may have the babysitter take the kids out, have sex, and then go out to dinner. By the end of the day, people have to prioritize their sex lives the way they prioritize other things.

No magic number

Even more than establishing the national average on how often couples have sex, the most important thing is how sexually satisfied you are as a couple. A couple’s sex life is constant navigation of their tides of libido, time, energy, and a mutual desire to prioritize sex.

Frequent discussions about your sex life and increase the amount of affectionate touch you share outside your bedroom is actually one of the most important factors determining how satisfying your sex life is as a couple. There is no magic number. Each couple has their own ‘norm’ and that, according to experts, is what they should be focusing on rather than what is normal for other couples.


I’m sure by now you have an idea of what works and what doesn’t work for you. It is all about what satisfies you and what makes you happy both individually and as a couple. If there are large desire discrepancies regarding your sex drives, I highly recommend that you visit a therapist and work something out. Going to a therapist is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your sex life.

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