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Masturbation by Proxy

Masturbation By Proxy

Deep love of porno is esoteric, it will never be commonplace. Furthermore, wanton affection of pornography is not close to being a target attribute necessary for personal excellence, nor is the mere interest in it an excluding factor in that quest. In other words, the burning desire to watch people fuck is not a prerquisite for an ideal person, but it doesn’t make you a bad person either. Porno is not culture, it is what it is. It’s to be taken with a grain of salt, a shot of Hennessy, or some coke off a slut’s asshole, however you get down.

To me porno is like fast food. At the right time, it is the best shit on Earth, but something to be had in moderation. The one time I ate at an In and Out Burger when I was in San Fransisco, I thought I would bust in my pants that shit was so good. It’s the only thing I envy about people who live in California. Afterall we have everything you have out there and then some, short of any In and Out Burgers. You put that on a plate next to some lobster or some filet mignon, and I’ll take the In and Out burger ten times out of ten. Those are my tastes. It’ll clog my arteries if I eat it too much, but hey everyone has the right to live how they want if they aren’t hurting anyone, no?

Writing for this site has made me realize that I am not the average porno fan I thought I was. I thought hey, it’s just a passing interest like many guys, but no it’s more than that. I’m able to rattle off too many performers off the top of my head. Plus, part of me is a fuckin big time freak. Not a freak like Gwar, freak like “Freak of the Week”. Shit that happens in pornos happens in my fantasies and ocassionally in my real life. However, it also put in perspective how far of a fan of the industry I am than what I perceive to be the average reader of this site. I’m not hardcore with this shit at all like you ladies and fellas are.

What I do believe is that my view of looking at the world has many parallels with things I have observed about pornography. The biggest thing I identify with pornos is the sense of rebellion to what is thought to be proper, and it’s blatant disregard to what is appropriate. If some people march to their own drummer, then I march to a fuckin drum machine. Pornography is to visual media what punk rock is to music. It’s raw, it’s sarcastic, it’s ironic and it’s about releasing pent up shit, pun in-fuckin-tended. It’s also inherently nonsensical. You hear lots of shit in punk music about revolution, but they need to start with taking a shower first, unless the goal is to drive out the “fascists” with body odor. But you know aesthetically some people hate punk rock because it is generally unsophisticated and simple. In addition, a lot of it really fuckin sucks, and some of it is pure garbage and that can overshadow the bright spots of its music and the passion of its creators. See where I’m going with this analogy…

I’m not here to define what I want to see in pornos. My opinion is just my opinion, and you probably don’t give a shit anyway. Nor do I feel bad that I write for a “porno” site and am into porno less than the readers of the site. First and foremost, this is not a porno site, it is an adult oriented site. There are no titties, no pussies, no dicks, no fuckin at all on this site period. There is not a shred of actual porno here, simply inuendo. I write for adults, so in the broadest sense as an adult oriented site I feel I fit in here and if you don’t like it you can just skip what I write.

I don’t have any hidden personal agenda in writing for this site. I don’t do it in hopes of fucking these girls, and if I did fuck a porn girl as a result of writing for this site I would be discreet about it unless it was mutually understood otherwise. I am not a porn fan, with limited impulse control when intoxicated, who happens to write. I’m a writer who happens to be a porn fan, and have limited impulse control when intoxicated. My lust is for porn, but my love is writing. Sometimes I write about things that have happened to me, and the topics are in the spirit of the aforementioned point I made linking porno with rebelliousness. I’m a fuckin writer, I can write about anything you put me to. I cater my stories to what I can as it relates to this site. I can make even the most banal anecdote come alive off the page because it’s not the story, it’s my perspective, but that shit won’t get printed here. I’m not trying to reinvent the wheel, just put some fuckin 24 inch spinners on that shit.

My goal is not to please the audience of this site, it is to please the propreitors of this site. They feel I have something to offer it’s readers, they have a vested interest in the site’s success, and logically I feel if I can keep them happy, I can keep the visitors to the site happy.

In conclusion, if you thought that sucked, that’s cool. You want straight porno shit? Right now I’m watching Justin Slayer’s Booty I Like 3. I didn’t buy it, because I rarely buy porno, but I dig the first scene with some chick named Mariah. The beats aren’t half bad on this one either. Want more? Go eat a big fat dick… unless that’s what you like to do. In that case go do some shit you hate, like taxes or eating vegetables….


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