My friends have deserted me, ah shucks!
Peter Pigman and King Boom-Boom have ventured to greener pastures, the Philippines actually, leaving me to my armature ‘mongering alone.
‘mongering is the fine art of selecting the very best whores available, coming from the proper noun Whoremonger or the verb ‘to whoremonger’.
Peter the Pigman, one half of the Pigman brothers, so named for their unique talent for belching in the face of street whores who score less than a 5 on the Pigman whore rating chart, and King Boom-Boom are ‘Mongers of the highest degree, if there was a Whoremongers Hall of Fame they would have been the first inductees. They spend hours wandering from Go-Go bar to whore house to massage parlor checking the form, past experiences and recanting tales of whore after whore sometimes spending as much as five or six hours before they select the right one for the nights debauchery.
Time after time I have left them in a club charging off to my hotel room with a cutie full of promise only to be left unsatisfied and then listen over breakfast to their tales of unbridled sexual success.
These guys are masters of their trade, years ago I worked for a bookmaker and watched extremely successful gamblers pick the winners of horse races, these guys put in the same effort and care.
I have tried to listen to their conversations but to no avail, this is a secret society that I do not belong too, I don’t know the secret handshake. They huddle together in bars whispering for long periods of time, Peter pulls a face then for no apparent reason they leap up and leave. This goes on for hours then suddenly they pounce and get the horniest girls in the entire town.
They have lists of girls that they have been waiting for, for months even years. They share their secrets with other high class ‘mongers and follow up on leads. Getting laid is an exacting science to these guys, and very much bullshit until you see some of the incredible whores they get.
Put me in a bar with 100 pretty hookers and anything that smiles at me will do, these guys on the other hand know the name and sexual prowess of almost every girl in every bar in town.
They maintain the highest standards they will go home alone unless they score with exactly the right whore. They have finished with Pattaya for the moment having shagged everything that is worth shagging and like locust have moved on to Angeles City, I will miss them.