Monthly Male Bag

A misconception should never be used as a form of contraceptive.  Even though they both sound similar, they are not the same thing.  Just because you have a small penis, it should not be misunderstood.  You can still get a woman pregnant.  You do not need a giant shaft to impregnate a woman “better.”  Think of it this way, in the late 80’s an NBA player by the name of Spud Webb, won the fucking dunk competition.

This is just one topic we will cover today, as I am launching a new post called “The Male (Mail) Bag.”  We here at Porn.com receive some pretty strange requests and some even stranger emails on a monthly basis.  I felt it would be fitting to finally compile some of the best stories along with the worst questions, and answer them all accordingly.

Similar to Law & Order, we have either changed the names, or used “anonymous” in replace of someone’s name, to “protect the innocent and those involved.”

Hi Porn.com, My name is Cynthia:

I recently came across the porn.com website when I caught my hubby masturbating to a video on there.  He obviously got pretty freaked out that I was home early and forgot to close the link up.  When he came to help with the groceries  he was stuttering “uhhh… and umm….” When asked what he was up to, and I kind of just looked at him and wondered to myself, he just replied “nothing hun.”   That was about as far as it went until I received a text from a girlfriend of mine to check something out on the computer, a good friend of ours had won the lottery.  I opened up the laptop and to my surprise there was a video scene of a woman named Darla Crane on the screen.  I don’t watch porn, and feel like I’m out of my element even talking to him about porn, but is this something I should be worried about?  I didn’t say anything to him, just closed the window and opened up a new one and continued my search.  But Darla Crane…I won’t forget her.

Hi Cynthia, don’t fear, your husband is very normal.  ESPECIALLY if he was watching a Darla Crane video.  She’s one of our favorites too.  There is definitely nothing wrong with your “hubby” if we was watching the great Darla Crane. I’m not sure what you’re asking or why, but since you wrote us, I feel the need to weigh in on the subject and let you know a few pieces of advice here.

a) it is not weird that your husband looks at porn.  Especially porn.com!

b) he must have wanted you to find it because forgetting to close the link up seems amateur to me.  I feel as though he wanted you to find it.

Your husband actually seems quite strategic and intelligent.  Now porn is in your head, and you can’t get it off your mind that your husband looks at it.  I think the ball is in your court now.  It’s up to you, to decide how you will move forward.  But, I must not neglect to say, that if this wasn’t a sign I don’t know what is.  You should dress up in some thin, sexy lingerie and go down on him in the living room.  Throw him on the couch and ride him like a bull in Spain.  You owe it to yourself to try this out.  Make sure that his wildest dreams are cumming true.  Guys are grateful creatures, he will turn you over and repay the favor, you just have to kick your legs in the air and act like you’re enjoying it.  Give him all the signals in the world, and he will make you one happy woman.

Hi Porn.com, just wondering if there were particular videos in general that you would suggest for me to watch? I go to the site but have to tell you, i get lost in the shuffle and have no idea what I like or want. And my porn tastes may not have fully developed. Anything in particular you can suggest perhaps?

Hello Anonymous. 

You are not alone in this ever evolving quest for fine art that is porn.  You may want to try an exclusive that stars Alison Tyler by chance.  She’s a big titted hot as hell pornstar that can get down and dirty, and knows how to get someone off.  My suggestion: American Whore Story.  This scene will fuck with all your senses.  Your love for drama will be evoked, and your passion for mischeivious behavior will definitely be allured.  You won’t be sorry.

Hey Porn.com!!! How’s it going? Quick question, might be stupid, give me shit if it is, I’m cool with it, but why is it that people always mention lactating breasts in the chats on the webcam shows on Friday? I mean to be fair, I haven’t read a comment in awhile about it, but did I miss something initially???

YES!!! Yes you did.  Go back and check out the Tori Black cam show.  That one has become stuff of legend.  She had just given birth few months prior, and was still able (is still able) to produce milk from her breasts.  So one thing lead to another (as they do) and someone asked her to shoot some milk.  So Tori being the “giver” that she is, wanted her people to be happy.  So she obliged.  And the snowball effect occurred, and every lovely lady there after, was plagued with at least one question about whether or not they can lactate some milk for all of us to witness.  Pretty cool stuff though.  And It’s all available at porn.com~!

Greetings Porn.com,

I’m sure you get this a lot, but how do i get into the business? I have a 12 inch dick that can seriously cause a ruckus.

LOL.  Well I’d be lying if I said we didn’t get this question a lot.  But a 12 inch dick is something of legend.  So here goes:
If you have a 12 inch cock, that is no longer the proper terminology for your appendage.  I’d say you have graduated from cock, to battering ram.  Or a table leg, or a kickstand to a sumo wrestler’s wheelchair.  What you have growing between your legs is not a cock anymore.  Having said that, it must be used for good.  Similar to a comic book’s super powers, you now have great responsibility in your future.  All I can say is get to our website, and start streaming a live webcam show, as we have that capability, and one look, you’ll have Producer’s knocking on your door.  Go for it, because conventional ways to make money are definitely no longer for you.

Have a question? Send your message to alex [at] porn.com

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