Ben had an open marriage, sold sex books out of his printing shop and bought hookers for himself and his son. Younger chicks ate him up! He even looks like a dirty ole man. I love the guy. A patriotic pervert!
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, MAE WEST, AL CAPONE, FRANK ZAPPA AMONG INAUGURAL INDUCTEES TO THE NAUGHTY AMERICAN HALL OF FAME
Just in time for the first-ever Naughty America Day, which will be celebrated on July 3rd, TheNaughtyAmerican.com, the web site dedicated to celebrating all things naughty, releases the inaugural class to the Naughty American Hall of Fame.
The inductees have been selected by the editors of TheNaughtyAmerican.com in honor of “Naughty America Day,” a newly created holiday that celebrates American naughtiness in all its glory. Honorees were selected based on how their specific naughtiness has had a lasting impact on American and world culture.
The Naughty American spokesman David Moye says Benjamin Franklin and the other initial inductees set the naughtiness bar high for any American who hopes to gain entry in coming years. “That said, George Carlin probably has the best shot of anyone,” Moye added. “By any standard, Benjamin Franklin is the quintessential ‘Naughty American. He was the original MILF hunter, a statesman with a fondness for younger women, and a shrewd businessman with a penchant for hoaxes.”
But Franklin isn’t the only American whose greatness is matched or exceeded by his naughtiness. Other inductees –
Frank Zappa (musician) – This 20th Century musical giant wrote lyrics that were groundbreaking in their naughtiness, but his music was just as naughty in the way it combined classical music with modern jazz blues and doo wop.
Mae West (actress) – Mae West brought the female libido out of the shadows by portraying sexually-empowered women who spoke in obvious double-entendres about their sexual appetite and conquests.
Vincent “Buddy” Cianci (politician) – The former mayor of Providence, Rhode Island, didn’t let his weakness for women, booze, kidnapping, and racketeering stop him from serving two stints as the city’s top dog.
Lenny Bruce (comedian) – In the 1960s, when stand-up comics were entertaining clubs with acts about family life and politics, Lenny Bruce’s obscenity-laced routines rattled law enforcement figures and emboldened First Amendment rights supporters across the nation.
Al Capone (businessman and gangster) – Capone’s criminal acts are indefensible, but, on the other hand, he had style. He enjoyed gourmet food, wore custom suits, and appreciated beautiful women and good jazz. He also funded programs to help the poor.
Alfred Kinsey (sex researcher) – Some people might consider a married professor who seduced his male graduate students, encouraged his staff to have sex with each other, and collected porn from around the world a pervert. We call him a true Naughty American, especially because Kinsey’s research helped destigmatize masturbation, homosexuality, and the female libido.
Sydney Biddle Barrows (The Mayflower Madam) – With a blueblood family tree dating back to the Mayflower pilgrims, Sydney Biddle Barrows seemed destined to continue representing the elite. Instead, she decided to represent the naughty and serve the elite, with beautiful women willing to perform sexual favors in exchange for money.
Richard Marcinko (former Navy SEAL) – During a 33-year career in the United States Navy that he spent doing dirty, sneaky things to the enemies of the United States and sometimes to the United States itself, Marcinko displayed the guile, moral conviction, and flair for adventure common to so many other great “Naughty Americans” who served their country, such as George Patton, John Adams or fellow Hall of Fame inductee, Ben Franklin.
Blowfly (Rap Music pioneer) – Songwriter Clarence Reid has made a clean living writing songs for soul singer Betty Wright and K.C. and the Sunshine Band. But his true legacy is based on his very, very naughty alter ego: Blowfly, the original dirty rapper, whose 1962 recording “Odd Balls” is considered by some historians to be the very first rap record.
Charlie Parker (Jazz legend) – The man called ‘Bird’ inspired millions of music fans to take up the sax, almost as many to try heroin.
Chet Baker (Jazz legend) – For much of his career, Baker was a major junkie: The type who would pawn his trumpet for some smack; the type who would steal from a friend or lover for a taste of horse; the type who would happily miss gigs if he had the chance to chase the dragon. But his music was beautiful that his fans were often honored to be taken advantage by him.
Ron LeFlore (former Major League Baseball player) – The luckiest S.O.B. that ever lived. How else can you explain a heroin-addicted drug dealer serving 5-to-15 for armed robbery going on to play center field for the Detroit Tigers?
Wilt Chamberlain (former National Basketball Association legend) – This NBA superstar was known as ‘Wilt the Stilt’, but ‘Don Juan de Chamberlain’ may have been a more fitting name, considering his claim that he had sex with 20,000 women in his lifetime.
Bill Johnson (Olympic skiing champion) – This gold medalist deserves Naughty American status just for his comment upon his arrival to the 1984 Sarajevo Winter Olympics. Although he wasn’t expected to win even a Bronze, he told the press corps: ‘They should just hand (the gold medal) to me. Everyone else can fight for second.’ The press had a field day with this typical Yankee hubris until he went out and actually won.
Cynthia Plaster Caster (artist and career groupie) – For 40 years, Caster has been meeting, greeting and sometimes beating off rockers of various levels of fame in order to put their penises in plaster casts. Some of the legends who’ve made her short list include Jimi Hendrix, Dead Kennedys singer Jello Biafra and “Candy Man” composer Anthony Newley.
Miki Dora (surfing legend) – The international surf-god inspired and entertained the public by riding the waves with fierce courage and eloquent grace. But when admirers flocked his way, he quickly escaped the unwanted attention and led a globetrotting life in which he did everything possible, including lying, cheating and stealing in order to keep from doing anything but surfing.
Jefferson Randolph ‘Soapy’ Smith (western pioneer) – In the late 1800s, this western pioneer gave money to both build town churches and bury penniless prostitutes and raised the loot by swindling people at three-card Monte and shell games.
R. Crumb (illustrator) – This brilliant illustrator and brackish pervert (or maybe it’s the other way around) is a rare ‘Naughty American’ in absentia. The spindly, self-described nerd plumbed the depths of American culture in underground ‘60s comics such as “Snatch” and “Big Ass Comics.” He came, he sketched, he dry-heaved.
Frank Abagnale, Jr. (con man extraordinaire) – This one-time con man was the basis for Steven Spielberg’s movie ‘Catch Me If You Can.’ Basically, any teenage high school dropout who has the wits and balls to cash $2.5 million in bogus checks, masquerade as an attorney, doctor and pilot, and elude authorities for five years all the while romancing women deserves Naughty American status.