Editorials

No Glove, No Love? An Honest Debate about Condoms in Porn

   With the recent outbreak of AIDS (again) in Porn Valley, the issue of mandatory condom use bares its ugly latex-covered head again. I’ll argue for both sides. Read and take your stand!

The Argument FOR Condoms in Porn

Ages ago, like most typical college kids strapped for booze money, I pimped myself out to some fast food overlord. I pulled part-time shifts delivering overpriced pizza, dodging irate customers, 9mm bullets (really bad neighborhood) and got jumped exactly 5 times. How’s that for fucking street cred, you cold bitches?

So, the thing I noticed about all dreary, dead-end workplaces is that every company has a CYA bulletin board posted somewhere in the punch out room that’s pinned to death with educational pamphlets ranging from proper sanitation measures to sexual harassment protocols. By the way, “CYA” is a colloquial term that stands for Cover Your Ass! Every corporation worth its salt is legally bound to strict code regulations like “Wear gloves at all times” or “Label pumpkin candy accordingly or Lucretia from customer service will die.”

Even at the very lowest levels of the food industry, there are legally indestructible laws that protect workers from exposure to harmful shit and etc. Got it? Good.

I find it ENORMOUSLY ironic that one of the biggest, billion-dollar enterprises ever conceived – the adult industry – has but the barest of considerations for its performers. There’s no bulletin board with helpful literature on AIDS awareness or anything STI-related for that matter.

For some reason, the hetero porn community just cannot fucking stand condoms. This silly visual preference does have its consequences, because every few years there’s always some kind of AIDS outbreak that puts the whole smut mega-machine on ice. The most recent of flare-ups occurring less than two months ago: a Brazzers girl was reported to be HIV-positive. As a result, the adult biz immediately stopped all production so she could be quarantined like some zombie.

Upon hearing the news, well-intentioned regulatory body, AIDS Healthcare Foundation or AHF immediately began demonizing the adult industry for lack of responsibility and for putting profits over the well-being of their performers. AHF have been rallying for mandatory condom use in the adult industry for years…

A war is coming. Not right now, but the next inevitable AIDS outbreak is going to cause manic panic all over again, only this time, amidst the fear, AHF will have its opportunity to lock in its legislative stranglehold. This means condom use will be enforced on all talent, no matter what. Jimmy hats for everyone. A second skin. Made of latex.

And responsibility.

You gotta ask yourself: Can I deal with seeing condoms in my porn?

I can almost hear the chorus of “Boos!” and the suction sounds of a million dicks shriveling right the fuck up. But the truth is, a female porn star is going to die just because legions of faceless fans all think its impossible to not imagine that a millimeter of latex isn’t there. It pretty much boils down to this:

The “Don’t Be An Asshole” Porn Compromise: Lose (or add) a layer of your fuck fantasy and save lives.

See? You can’t do it, can you.

(Asshole.)

In any other business, if any issue is found to pose any foreseeable, potential harm to employees it’s immediately addressed and solved because nobody likes to get sued because everyone likes feeling safe.

So why can’t porn producers get their act together and shield their performers from a fatal disease that is contracted through the very medium which earns them a living?

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The Argument AGAINST Condoms in Porn

Do you really want the government telling you how to fuck?

Do you want SEALs rappelling down off black helicopters, crashing through your solarium and pointing a tactical shotgun at your bare, fleshy penis as you’re about to slam it home? A far stretch? If you’re a male porn star, no, not really.

People just won’t go for condom-enforced porn and I’ll tell you why. Let’s not forget what porn is.

Porn is pure, undiluted fantasy.

The idea, the very ability to watch a woman being penetrated skin-to-skin titillates the human male mind to no end. And if some regulatory body comes in and imposes some fascist condom policy, then guess what? Like the needling desire that inspired the dinosaurs in “Jurassic Park” to fuck and procreate, life will find a way, Porn will find a way, and it will do this UNDERGROUND.

You think how we run things now are fucked up? Imagine that AHF does cry to its state/federal mommy and daddy and imagine that they actually listen and lay down this ridiculous condom-only rule. The idea of gov’t regulated sex holds zero thrill. Now people are madder than hell. Millions of fans won’t ever get used to it and sure as hell won’t overnight. Porn producers will automatically side with the raw-dog loving public and find ways, shady or otherwise to give fans some of that good, old-fashioned, unimpeded in-and-out fucking.

This new breed of guerrilla fringe pornography will really be the unregulated nightmare that they were trying to avoid, because the bottom line is that fantasy runs off the loyal fumes and desires of those who pine for it, yearn for it and dream of it when they sleep. Naked intercourse as I’ll call it, in porn, is an inseparable, almost symbiotic relationship that relies solely on extremely strong visual expectations. And anything that threatens that freedom of expression will be met with fierce disapproval.

Until the raw-dog loving public changes their mind, the answer to the question of “Will condoms ever be the standard in porn?” is a loud, deafening NEVER.

 

How do you 4 people out there feel about Condoms in the Adult Biz? Sound off in the comments section!

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