Sex Records Omitted in the Guinness Book

I know probably all of you motherfuckers have heard about the famous Guinness Book of Record. But I doubt you have heard about even half of its bizarre inclusions and exclusions especially based on weird sex occurrences and traits. Exactly why I bring these exclusively for you:

The world’s longest dick

Well, turns out Jonah Falcon, an American actor, and writer is not just famous for his works but also for his enormous dick of 9.5 inches (24.13 cm) in length when flaccid and 13.5 inches (34.29 cm) when erect. Falcon has identified himself as a bisexual who also doubles up as a gaming blog editor. He gained media attention after appearing in a 1999 HBO documentary, a Rolling Stone Magazine article, a documentary by UK Channel 4 called “The World’s Biggest Penis,” and The Daily Show.

Thereafter being offered the opportunity to enter the pornography industry which he refused, saying it would be “just the easy way out… it’s not going to help my legit acting career.” Previously, in 2012, he was stopped and frisked by the TSA at the SF Airport due to the large bulge in his pants. After passing through a metal detector and a body scanner, the world’s largest dick was selected for additional screening, then finally released. Whoa!

The world’s largest (19 inches -48.26cm) vagina

The World’s Biggest Vagina most likely belonged to Scottish giantess Anna Swan (1846-1888), a remarkable woman who set a number of records relating to her size. Born at a normal size, she began growing at an excessive rate as a child, finally reaching a maximum height of 7′ 8″ at the age 19. Capitalizing on her huge size, she joined a side show and toured the country, where she met and fell in love with Captain Martin Bates, another giant who measured over 7 feet tall. After that they wedded back in 1872, making them the tallest married couple in the world, a record that still exists even today.

The couple settled down and built a mansion filled with enormous furniture, including their 11′ by 7′ love bed. On June 18, 1879, she gave birth to the largest baby in history, weighing 26 lbs and 34 inches in length. The child is reported to have been too large, to the extent that it was entangled in her big vigina, only extricated by the use of forceps and belts. However, the child did not survive the birth complications, but a cast was made and exists for display at the Cleveland Museum of Health. Generally the largest part of the infant was the head that is said to have measured about 19 inches (48.26 cm) in circumference, hence it was  computed that the minimum dilation of Swan’s pussy was 6 inches or just over 15 cm which is pretty wider than the normal dilation for childbirth which happens to be 10 cm.

The world’s most prolific mother of 69

Feodor Vassilyev (1707-1782), was a peasant from Shuya, Russia who is remembered from his first wife, Valentina Vassilyeva, who gave birth to a total of 69 children. And not much is known about this fertile woman; she is said to have given birth to 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quadruplets between 1725 and 1765, making it a total of 27 births, however, 67 of the 69 children born survived infancy. In the modern world today, the same giving birth record is held by Leontina Albina from San Antonio, Chile. This woman, now in her mid-sixties, claims to have mothered 64 children; however, only 55 of them are documented. Also, the mother with the greatest number of non-twins kids happens to be Livia Ionce, a Romanian woman at 44, who gave birth to her 18th child in Canada back in 2008.

The world’s longest cumshot distance of 18ft 9 – 570 cm

Horst Schultz is the spew champ who has achieved 18 ft 9 in (579 cm) with a ‘substantial’ amount of seminal fluid. While this man also holds the records for having the greatest height (12 ft 4in – 375.92 cm) he also seemingly holds the greatest speed of ejaculation of about 42.7mph. Damn! He must be the fastest impregnator or something, they should probably try adding that to his record too, don’t you think?

The world’s oldest prostitute was 82 years

While prostitution might be assumingly the oldest profession on earth, just how old would you call old for a hooker? For me possibly 40 because I’ve seen some MILF hot escorts in their late 30s. However, I may be too far below the age belt of one, Tai Pei whom the police estimate to be an 82 -year-old nicknamed “Grandma,” working as a prostitute. When asked, Chiu claimed to have entered the business at 40 after her 20 years husband passed away and has stayed in business charging half or thrice lesser than the typical prostitutes. The only question being, would you fuck her or not?

The world’s biggest orgy involved 250 couples

Now if you thought that the voyeur fetish is only a play out in porn, then you probably haven’t come across the biggest sex orgy in the world which is recorded on a DVD. The orgy took place at some warehouse in Japan and involved 250 men and 250 women who had consented to have sex on the same venue. Each sex act and position was choreographed so that couples were simultaneous in their actions. However, despite the “orgy” label, the 250 couples had been tested for STDs, and they only stuck to their respective partners; probably not as fun as I had imagined too. But who is to say it wasn’t an orgy? Definitely not me.

The world’s biggest gangbang (919 guys one day/pussy)

Lisa Sparxxx, an American porn actress, has a steel pussy. This bitch took on 919 cocks single pussy-edly on a single day, setting a world record. This occurred in 2004 during the Eroticon, a Polish convention that celebrates erotica. It was supposedly the Third Annual World Gangbang Championship that had previously changed bearers in 2002 and 2003 (646 and 759 cocks respectively)

The world’s longest masturbation record

This one goes against my belief in love and romance, because the truth is, it never lasts this long. Am talking about 9 hours 58 minutes put into jerking off by Masanobu Sato, a man who attended the 2009 World Masturbate-a-thon held by the Center for Sex & Culture in San Francisco. He is said to have traveled all the way from Japan to beat his previous 9 hours 33 minutes record from the previous year. Now ladies! Are your men on pre or post P.E.?

The world’s strongest vagina (lifts 31 lbs)

Wait a minute folks, a vagina that can lift up to 14 kgs weights! Am not even sure how lethal it can be to any man, I mean she could basically crush your cock if she found out that you have been cocky with her. Anyways, meet Tatiata Kozhevnikova, a 42-year-old Russian woman whose pussy broke the world’s strongest vagina record when she managed to lift 14 kilograms worth of weights, almost 31 pounds. Unbelievable, right?  She said after she had borne a child, her pussy muscles had gotten exceptionally weak, forcing her to seek help books on Dao. There after choosing to exercise her vaginal muscles for 15 years.

The world’s largest natural Breasts

Well, most men are always going on about how lovely it is to have a woman with tangible titties. But what if your woman like Norma Stitz had some natural Breasts at 102ZZZ? What then? Would you say she’s got boobies like chores too enormous to work on? Just asking.

Most bras unhooked in a minute

Still struggling to unhook your woman’s bra during your heated up moments? You sure need a lesson or two from this man, Chris Nicholson. This magician makes the bra hooks disappear into the thin air and has set an unbeatable record of uncaging 20 pairs of titties in under a minute. Awesome, right?

The world’s longest lasting erection

Forget the blue pill! An Iranian man set out to express his love for his girlfriend by getting a tattoo with “M” on his dong — that’s the first letter of his last name — along with some wise quote: “borow be salaamat,” which means “good luck on your journeys.” To have his cock tattooed, he probably over- erected for a long period of unknown time and as a result has to this day a persistent erection that just won’t go away. Can you imagine? I sure hope his girlfriend hasn’t left him already, or wait has she, anyone?

The world’s largest penis collection

There are strange institutions, and then there is the Icelandic Philological Museum, which is home to the most penises around the world. The Museum is home to a total of 215 cocks belonging to 93 different animals. I must say this couldn’t get more amusing than it already is.

The world’s oldest virgin (108 Yrs)

Here I was thinking that it’s sort of Bizarre for anyone to get to the age of forty (Steve Carell) without having dipped his cock in a honey pot when Clara Meadmore was still a virgin at 108! And while this British lady once said, “I imagine there is a lot of hassle involved, and I have always been busy doing other things.” I can only imagine how much pleasure she has missed out so far, probably a million orgasms?

The world’s oldest known father (90 Yrs)

I know most of y’all suckers are feeding on junk heavily probably still in your early 30s, and yet you have been to the family health clinic for sperm count disorder-related issues. Unfortunately probably because you can’t match the oldest Indian fertile farmer, Nanu Ram Jogi. This man at the age of 90 has four wives, 12 sons, 9 daughters, and 20 grandchildren. Also, word has it that he intends to push the cart until he is 100 years!


Now whether the above mesmerizing sexual occurrences were seen fit or not to be included in the World’s Guinness Book of Record; the fact that they remain as the most prolific sexual acts or symbolism is at least worth recognition, don’t you think?

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