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Should I Bang ’em And Then Let God Sort It Out?

A friend calls.

I tell him my problems.

Friend channeling Woody Allen in Love and Death: “To live is to suffer. To love is to suffer. To marry is to suffer. I only want to get divorced.”

“On some dating sites I’m on, it takes weeks and months to hear back. Of course I don’t write back to those whores.”

Luke: “Hey, did you ever nail Barb*?”

Friend: “You’ve asked me that 216 times.”

Luke: “Well, I started thinking about her today.”

When I first got to LA 13 years ago, I shoved my friend out of the way so I could talk to Barb. We went out once and nothing happened. A few years later, my friend starting seeing her.

Luke: “New York town left with no police during trip to New Jersey hooters.”

Friend: “What?”

Luke: “I’m watching Fox News.”

“These girls are hot.”

“I haven’t gotten a date out of that Jewish Journal article.”

Fred: “How did you find 60 chicks to email? I’ve seen it.”

Luke: “I’ve gotten lower standards than you. I’m inclusive.”

Fred: “Whatever happened to…?”

Luke: “Don’t bring her up. Bad memory.”

“One woman from JDate was hot to trot until I referred her to my Jewish Journal profile.”

Friend: “Why would you refer them to that?”

Luke: “Might as well sort ’em out.”

Friend: “Might as well bang ’em and then sort it out.”

“How bad was that article anyway?”

Luke: “It was pretty bad.”

Friend: “Scared her off.”

“You want young chicks anyway.”

Luke: “At this point, I’ll take anything.”

“I’ve lost my mojo.”

Friend: “Have you tried other services?”

Luke: “Maybe I’ll try frumster.”

Friend: “You’re frum.”

Luke: “Well…”

Friend: “You’re a little wild for the frum crowd. You’re not quite a ready for primetime frumster. Try JewishFriendFinder.”

Luke: “Isn’t that for sex?”

Friend: “No. That’s adultfriendfinder. Wait until you see who’s on that site. Wow. Ain’t no Jews on that site. And if there are, you’ll never find them.”

“There are quite a few non-Jewish girls on JDate looking for Jewish guys. How come there aren’t non-Jewish guys looking for Jewish girls? It’s like looking for comedy in the Muslim world.”

“Try these free sites. Matchdoctor.com and adultmatchdoctor.com. Webdate.com. Any of the FriendFinder sites. Plentyoffish.com.”

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