Naughty America Begins Nationwide Search For Next President
SAN DIEGO — Get ready, America. This fall, the United States will elect a new President: the President of Naughty America.
It’s time to put democracy in action.
This new President will rally and represent Naughty Americans everywhere. His or her official duties will include a monthly address to the country, selecting naughty appointees, and assuming the role as leader and role model for the citizens of Naughty America. (NL-I’m certainly a role model in the adult community, wouldn’t you agree?)
The President will be given a $10,000 per month salary and receive the perks of a top-level executive, living rent-free in a plush residence in the Hollywood Hills. (NL-Then i could devote more time to LIB instead of having to have a paying job to support it!)
Any man or woman residing in the United States, over the age of eighteen, is eligible to run. To declare candidacy, individuals must register at www.naughtypresident.com. (NL-So should I register?)
“This isn’t North Korea or Iran. Anyone over the age of 18 can become President,” said Steve Thomas, Naughty America’s spokesperson. “So we want to see people from all corners of our country throw their hat in the ring.”
The road to the Presidency will require effort and determination.
Candidates will campaign for four months, beginning July 3rd, up until election day on November 3rd. The candidate with the most nationwide support wins.
The new President will get right to work, taking office in late November and serving a six-month term.
“The position isn’t for everyone,” stated Thomas. “It’s really for someone with a deep appreciation for naughtiness, as well as the values of our country.”
All major print outlets have begun notifying their readers regarding the election. Look for notice in the New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and the Washington Post, among others.
Please contact Steve Thomas at [email protected] or (619) 237-5014 with any questions or suggestions for possible candidates. (NL-You guys want to suggest me, and show them that I have support?)
NL-I guess my most important questions for the company would be, do I have the ability to FIRE people? lol