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South Africans Perform First Successful Penis Transplant!

penis-transplantNews Flash!

Doctors are now able to connect a dead dude’s dick to another dude!

What I mean to say is that dick transplants are now medically possible!

If you and your pork sword were horrifically maimed during a botched circumcision like this poor 21-year-old African man that I recently read about, well, rejoice because doctors can just stitch a cadaver cock on your body like goddamn Mr. Potato Head.

So, back to the African man who lost his wang. Thanks to the cocky compassion of Cape Town doctors, the patient is now walking around with a fully functional penis. Apart from feeling absolutely fucking weirded out, I am truly happy for this guy. Men and our dicks have an unbreakable, ancient connection forged since the dawn of Time. We equate our dicks to our identity. If I lost my precious, I’d probably eat a bullet STAT.

However, if I’m to be completely honest, this wasn’t the world’s first successful patched-up penis operation. There was another case in China where a patient got a new penis from a dead donor but his wife (understandably) freaked out at the very idea of having sex with a wholly different tool. It was a nightmare for her. Imagine fucking the same cock for years and then suddenly getting pounded by a completely foreign cock attached to the same partner. After awhile, people get used to each others’ naughty bits and how everything feels. Like a worn peacoat, One gets used to the feel of the fiber, am I right? What I’m saying is you build an intimate, unique connection with any given dick and after awhile, you know every vein and crooked contour like you know your own fucking face.

Now toss all that shit out the window.


I imagine the wife must’ve felt like she was getting stranger-banged at night. So as a result, she couldn’t deal with it and the man had his phantom phallus removed. So if there is any moral to this story is don’t get fucking circumcisions. Religion be damned. It’s an outdated and totally archaic practice that is goddamn retarded if you stop to think about it for five seconds.


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