This article originally came out a few years ago but it’s so damn funny I think it’s worth sharing it even today.
The 9 Character Types You Will Meet At The Conventions & Las Vegas Internext Expo + Affiliate Summit
Just got back home from a crazy week at Internext Expo & Affiliate Summit in Las Vegas…
I’m still trying to recover from all the business, drinking, and partying..shit was crazy.
For those that never had a chance to hit up a conference I put together a little list
of the 9 character types that you should watch out for when going to one of these
Here they are –
This is the new guy…
He comes to these conventions with Big dreams and Big ideas!
He sees all of the companies and activities and thinks of all the incredible ideas
that will make him tons of cash when he gets back home! He’s probably there
attending a few seminars or workshops.
More then likely he’s there because he’s meeting up with Mr. Guru who’s making
millions of dollars online, that’s his idol and thinks he’s the secret bearer to all his fortune
and future success.. He either comes alone or with a flock of GreenHorns, they are
deers in the headlights…New to the game, new to the industry..
He has a little bit of knowledge under his belt about online marketing and doesn’t
even know if he wants to make money shooting porn, slanging ads, running offers, or run
his own network… he is lost and in complete awe.. He will damn near Jizz in his pants at
the thought of even making money in Adult period and can’t wait to get started!
The moment he gets home he will begin working his million dollar ideas… which will either
blossom or more than likely never get finished at all, he always has a new better idea or
he’s too much of a perfectionist.
This is the guy standing around with a drink, he doesn’t know anyone yet so has no social proof.
But will make eye contact with you hoping to stir up a conversation. It’s like the first day in school
for him and he can’t find his classroom.
Words of Advice:
We all start somewhere! No time is better then now to pop your cherry!
Just stay focused, be realistic, and not be overwhelmed or star struck by the next shiny object.
Success in this industry takes time, hardwork, and dedication.
Mr. Life of The Party
Business Meetings and Work Hell No!
This is the guy drinking shots the moment he lands off the plane and then more on the way home.
Did he even come for the convention or did he come to party??
- “Would you like another drink?” YES!
- “Would you like to do some Blow?” YES!
- “Would you like to pop some Molly?” YES!
- “Would you like to get Gang Banged?” YES!
- “Would you like to Handle Business and Work?” NO!
He’s that obnoxious drunk that is yelling, stepping on your shoes, and knocking chairs over..
There is no use in introducing yourself or telling him your name or getting on any personal
level.. He won’t remember anything in the morning anyways.
Don’t get your professional rep smeared hanging out with this guy.
He’s fun, but at a certain point the one to avoid going anywhere with… u don’t know
what kind of situation your gonna end up in hanging with Mr. Life of the Party.
He came strictly for the Party, Alcohol & Drugs..
While he think’s he is the Life of the party, he is really the Clown of the party.
Words of Advice:
Calm down CowBoy! It’s cool to party but the motto is Business before Pleasure..
Maintain your composure man,your a reflection of who you are representing.
Oh yeah.. Please Pop a Breath Mint!
The Speechless Super Nerd
Need we say more?
He’s the guy who comes to the conventions with his 3 laptops, 2 iPads, 3 notebooks, 10 pens,
4 backup batteries, tape recorders, and all the accessories.. LOL.
These guys know everything about programming, html, complicated algorithms, and how to pick
up a chick with 1 of 500 proven pick up lines lol…
none of which they have ever used cause they are scared of pussy and never mustered up enough
courage to even speak to the opposite sex.
These guys are probably making some good bank online! But they are there strictly for the workshops and seminars.. They outcast themselves, don’t attend the clubs or parties, and are
too embarrassed to hit the strip club.
The moment you walk up to them to introduce yourself they are stuttering words trying to come up
with something to say back to you to make u think they are not socially deprived or the next Unabomber.
He is not necessarily ugly or unattractive, he could be pretty good looking..
He’s just been stuck behind his computer monitor for months so staying up to date
with the latest fashion trends is not his main focus.
They ask to take pictures with all the hot girls they see at the booths and meet ups, so when
they go home they can jerk off to all the pics they collected and feel like they were a pimp for a moments time being in the presence of these sexy vixens.
Words of Advice:
Keep working hard man, but close the laptop and go meet some real people and have a drink.
Big business is built on relationships and becoming friends with people, so go out there and be
more social.. trust me it’ll pay off!
The Female Hustler
“Get This Money By Any Means Necessary”
That’s her motto..
She uses her sexiness as a secret weapon to seduce these guys at the convention..
You got traffic and she needs it…. oh yeah, better believe she’ll meet you up for a late
night rendezvous. She knows guys are weak and is closing deals knowing that these
guys are attracted to her..
She might hang on your arm at the club or make you feel like there is some attraction
going on.. She’ll stroke your ego and probably do a little more than that lol..
She is the pit bull in a mini skirt, even if she isn’t offering sexual favors she is a master
The person she hates the most is the Shark, as she has an ego problem of her own and doesn’t
want to see the other guy win.
In the end she knows who the Big Players are in the game and will step on your if you try
to get in her way.
Words of Advice:
I got some traffic for you… maybe we can work something out lol.. A Favor for a Favor? HAHA
Miss Eye Candy
“You Do Online Traffic Dating Marketing What??”
The super sexy bitch is hired on as the eye candy.. she gives social proof to these
companies and brands.
She usually has no fucking idea what the hell she is there for.
She is the model.. that sexy piece of ass that will attract crowds of people..
Wearing something skimpy and revealing she is usually standing around posing
for pictures. She makes her money going from show to show.
The GreenHorns would kill to get a piece of her fine ass, and she’s usually
caught hanging around with the OG Veterans or The Sharks.
She is hated by The Female Hustler and is looked at like a whore by them.
They are the least threat and are flirtatious as they have no hidden agenda except
to dick tease the fuck out of you.
The goal of the guys attending these conferences is to be able to go home and
say that they actually banged Miss Eye Candy.
Words of Advice:
Don’t let these corporate guys boss you around and try to “Pimp” you…Instead
Why not get my contact information and give me a ring.. I’ll be sure to put you in all the right
Mister Snake Oil
He will try to sell ice to an eskimo..
He’s the guy who will pitch his product or service without any regards to getting to know you on
any personal level whatsoever… “Was nice to meet you,what was your name again??”
Typically stuck up and egotistical they walk around swinging their big dicks like their shit don’t stank.
“Come run traffic with us and make some REAL fucking money!!” Is what they sound like.
He will butter you up and make u feel like they actually care about you, they can care less.. they just
want your business. Might even buy you dinner or a drink, but they have a hidden agenda..
And that is to rape your pockets.
When you get back home you hear from Mister Snake Oil…
“We had a great time at the convention, we did BLOW, Fucked Hookers, Partied our asses off..
Oh yeah by the way are you ready to sign and send that $5,000 I/O yet??”
They usually are jumping from company to company and each year they may
be promoting another brand.
He is a sale mans with no shame and will up sell and get over on his own momma if that meant
breaking his monthly sales quota.
Words of Advice:
Keep it Real Man! We all know your trying to get new clients but don’t shove shit down people’s throat..
Show some respect and class and actually act like you give a damn..
People see through
the bullshit and at the end of the day people will want to do business with those who they feel
comfortable about and trust.
The OG Veteran
Takes to this shit like a Goldfish to Water…
He’s done numerous conventions and knows all the players in the game.
Typically working for a company as the Senior Rep, he is in his element at these events.
He’s the mover and shaker of the party and has his schedule down pat.
He’s Mr. Cool…
You can catch him hugging and shaking hands with everyone, always with a big smile on his
face. He has to gain clients and build on previous relationships for the sake of the company.
He is usually doing keynotes or is on a panel talking about his company or service he provides.
While he is at this convention he is already planning on his next trip to the next city and next
convention.. He is a work-a-holic and is probably very loyal to his company.
You’ll definitely see his face at the convention again…….next year.
Words of Advice:
Some people may confuse you with Mr. Snake Oil, they don’t know if your a Wolf in Sheeps
clothing, meaning they don’t know if your secretly trying to bend them over and fuck them up
the ass.. Take some time and actually get on a real personal level with people, get out of your
15 second sales pitch routine and be yourself.. people will appreciate that and it’ll do wonders
for your business.
The Old Guy In A Suit
“Your So Old… You Fart Dust!”
Probably the richest person you’ll meet at the conference but too bad you’ll never get a
word in with the Old Guy In A Suit..
He’s doesn’t attend any of the after party events, and his inner circle consist of other Old Guys
in a suit that look very similar except they all have different color ties.
If you see him with The Female Hustler you already know whats up…
He is probably the guy that everyone is paying to use his venue to setup all of these damn
booths and parties. He looks at the OG Veteran and says, “Hey, I use to be that guy back
in the days..” and recalls his glory days of being the top sales guy for XYZ company..Or being
the guy that created the pocket pussy.
He hates the way this industry changed so much and wouldn’t bother talking to any of these
young punks for nothing, he is super stubborn.
They stand around looking like a bunch of Grumpy Old Men in a Suit.
Words of Advice:
Take some time to get to know the younger people and share some knowledge with them
on how to be successful in this business. Remember, you were a Greenhorn at one time
and also a young punk yourself… Get out there and socialize with the boys in the t-shirts
and jeans and smile god dammit.
“It’s Business Not Personal”
The Shark is the no nonsense player.
Before he even gets off the plane he already has a game plan and a list of meetings setup
for the entire week. His days are filled with meet and greets.
He is like a surgeon, he moves with precision and only shows up to do business with those
that benefit his business. No time to waste, no need to talk to GreenHorns, and moves like
a Shark through the parties and clubs.
His goal is to leave a lasting impression with you and he is usually being introduced around
by the OG Veteran.
True to his craft he is only interested in taking care of business and getting back home as
soon as possible to make more money from the deals he closed.
He is the upper level player and can blend in with the crowd and move around unsuspected.
He is usually the one with enough game to actually get some pussy out of Miss Eye Candy
but is too busy ‘working’ to even make it happen.
He knows who his targets are and works hard to get in position to close the deal.
His allies are the OG Veterans and his worst enemy is the Female Hustler as she is constantly throwing
dirt on his name and trying to sabotage any potential relationship that could interfere
with her business.
Words of Advice:
Let your guard down a little bit and tone down that ego bro. No point in making all that
money and having no one to enjoy it with, quit talking about business and go out there
and let loose. No need to be serious all the time you’ll fuck around and have a heart attack.
Well there goes the 9 Character Types you are bound to bump into if you ever go to
a conference…Don’t take it personal if any of them sound like you! lol
Want to give a Big shot out to the entire Reporo Team Chi, Ben, Dave, Andrew, Vanessa Marie,
& Kara for flying me out and for drinks, dinner, and entertainment.
You Guys Rock!
Also a shot out to Billy, AK, Mike V., Jason A., Shaft, Tim B., Marina, Josh B., Ryan H, CJ, &
everyone else that I met and had a good time with in Las Vegas!
Oh, and can’t forget JayKnowsCash for listening to my drunk antics on the late night on Skype!
P.S. Before I get emails and comments.. let me just say, Don’t take this shit fucking personal I did this shit to humor myself and for entertainment!
P.P.S Do yourself a favor and join my damn email list on the upper right hand side! Trust me… I’ll be sharing shit in there that I won’t on my blog.. so do that now.
Source: Adult Media Buying