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Thor, A Review- Sorta

by @Porn_Valley

A sort of review. I just saw “Thor” today. How would I have made it a MUCH better script? Simple… Spoiler alert!!! I’m going to talk about that God-awful story.

So Thor is in Asgard with his brother Loki and, as you know, Odin is his father. Thor is a spoiled testosterone laden brat who thinks he can have what he wants and wants to ascend the throne. He believes it’s better to make preemptive war against another race because of a small skirmish (Sorta like when George Bush and the Republicans attacked Iraq when a small religious group, who had nothing to do with them, attacked the US). His father tells him that it’s better to avoid war at all costs (something that Obama hasn’t really learned yet).

So Thor goes to that other world and causes a shitload of trouble including killing this giant beast by turning himself into a bullet and blowing the beast’s brains out.

When he gets back, his dad is understandably pissed… He tells Thor that he’s banished until he learns his lesson. Odin takes his hammer, sends Thor to earth and whispers to the hammer that it can not be wielded unless it is by someone who is worthy – Which, of course, leaves out Thor unless he learns his lesson.

Okay, so I’m skipping a lot of side stories with Loki and Thor’s buddies who help cuz that doesn’t really matter.

So Thor lands on earth and immediately treats the people he meets like subjects and acts like an asshole. He finds his hammer and finds he can’t pick it up and that he is only human.

This is where it gets stupid (I know, right?)

Thor decides to help this girl get her journal. He makes a couple of breakfasts after getting drunk with boilermakers. Then the town gets attacked by this giant robot that is controlled by his “brother” Loki. He tells the robot, “Hey, you’re harshing my buzz, stop hurting these people, take me instead,” (I’m paraphrasing). So the robot smacks him and he dies (cuz he’s only human now). Suddenly, the hammer – sitting in the dirt 50 miles away, wakes up and somehow thinks, “hmmm, I think he learned his lesson” and flies over to him and wakes him from the dead to make him Thor again.

Thor destroys the robot and goes to Asgard with his buddies to fix things between him, his father and that other really cold planet.

Okay, I kinda left out a lot but you get the idea. The problem is, how is it that he can go out drinking, make a couple breakfasts, then offer himself to save a few people and then supposedly have that say he learned about why it’s important to not make war? Plus half that time he was falling in lust with a hot chick so he was too preoccupied to learn any real lessons. That doesn’t make sense. He spent two Odindamned days down there – that’s not enough time!

But I’m not just going to criticize. I want to give constructive criticism. I actually write scripts and this is how I would fix it.

Everything was fine until Thor landed on earth. Odin should have sent him there for at least a century where he could become a doctor (like in the comic book) and witness war and death and destruction and poverty until he realized just how lucky he was. Then, he’s in the 21st century and the hammer is discovered and he’s a scientist subcontracting for SHIELD or he learns about or comes across the hammer in some way or the same way. Something longer than two days. That would have taken about 5 minutes of film time and made the story INFINITELY better.

That’s my opinion. You may have loved it. I thought there was a huge gaping hole in character development.

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