What is mindful sex?

Mindfulness means paying attention to the present moment. Mindful sex means not thinking about anything else at the particular moment when you are having sex, for instance, letting your mind wander into your to-do list as your sexual partner is about to cum. Sex and relationship therapists argue that mindful sex can actually boost your physical and emotional health. By allowing your mind to be fully immersed in the bodily sensations, you are indeed setting yourself up for some mind-blowing sex and an unforgettable sexual experience. Think of it as meditation during sex.

Now, meditation and sex don’t sound like terms you’d normally put together in a sentence. While one involves sitting alone in a quiet place, the other ideally involves two (or more) people and is usually messier and noisier. But as you may or may not know, sex is very much a mental exercise as it is physical. Your state of mind and attitude during the activity can be the difference between mediocre sex and an orgasm-inducing one. Mindful sex can increase intimacy and keep the sexual fire and passion ever blazing.

This especially rings true for women, as it helps increase their desire, lubrication, arousal, and satisfaction. People tend to get disconnected sometimes, and most of the times for others, during sex.  In some extreme cases, erectile dysfunction (erectile problems, vaginal pain, zero libido) can negatively harm the quality of sex, your relationship, and life in general. I mean, who lives happily if they can’t enjoy sex? Mindful sex could be the remedy. It is a simple, although not an easily achievable fix.

So, how can you engage in mindful sex and drastically improve the quality of your sex? Tips to Help You Engage In Mindful Sex

Switch off your autopilot

You know the routine you follow when you want to start off your car. You’ve performed the procedure for so long that it has become hardwired into your brain to a point where you don’t even think about it when doing it. You can even do it with your eyes closed. Comparing sex with how you start off your car is not the most flattering comparison, but things in your bedroom could easily become a routine, especially if you are in a long-term relationship. All the things you did to satisfy each other become automatic in such a way that the mind is not there at all, and that’s the first step towards confining your sexual passion to its deathbed.

What to do? Learn how to bring attention back to your body. You can achieve this by focusing on your breath at different intervals throughout the day for instance when warming your coffee, while standing in a bank, etc. Concentrate on how air hits your nostrils and focus on your diaphragm rising and falling. If by any chance your mind wanders during sex, you will be well versed with the practice of ‘coming back’ to your body.

Treasure your partner

Remember when you used to choose underwear with plans of making love later in the night? When you used to experiment with your sexual and seduction techniques? I’m talking about that time you used to really treasure your partner. When you actually made an effort. If that sounds like a long time ago, it means your sexuality might have become a neglected part of your life. Mindful sex might just be what you need.

Start by treasuring your partner as if you are meeting for the first time. Honor their mind, heart, and body. Bring yourself into seeing them with a brand new pair of eyes and try caressing their skin with new fingertips as if doing it for the first time. Pay a lot of attention to their body. How they react to your touch and focus on the things, you love about their body. See where that takes you.

Anchor yourself

Well, not by chains or anything physical. Just find some physical sensation that’s occurring right now and if you find yourself wandering, try to bring your mind back at it. The more times you do this, the more neurological pathways will be created, making it an easier exercise every time. And what’s in it for you, you ask? Well, it helps both your physical and mental being to focus on the ‘here and now’ which is precisely what you need to have mind-blowing sex.


Meditating helps you to recognize the passage of thoughts through your mind. If by any chance you are distracted, you will be aware of the distractions and know how do deal with them with mindfulness. Meditation also helps in reducing the amount of cortisol in the brain; the hormone people experience as stress. In critical times, cortisol manifests as a ‘fight or flight’ response directing blood to important bodily functions and away from the genitals and other organs not deemed critical at the time. Cortisol actually reduces libido, the effects of which are well known.

Reducing the amounts of cortisol in your system increases your libido and by extension your sexual drive, meaning you will not only want to jump between the sheets more, but your partner will also be more than flattered. Meditate your way to the best sex of your life.


Mindful sex allows you to focus on the pleasure and excitements of sex. Learn how to merge your sexual and emotional ecstasies and let everything else fall into place. All the best.

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