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Why Don’t Porn Columnists Get Laid More Often?

Why has Kevin Blatt gotten laid 100 times as much as me?

This tawdry fact makes me question the existence of an all powerful and all beneficent deity.

When I go to a party, such as tonight, few people think I’m important.

I have little pull (certainly not as much as I had in 1998).

What’s pathetic is that a part of the reason I’ve hung out so long in porn is for those moments when I feel like a whale at Sea World.

The only reason to be here is sex, money or attention.

You’d think that if a girl wanted to move ahead in the industry, it would be a top priority for her to make a columnist happy (not that I would indulge, such behavior violates my personal and professional ethics, but I think it’s an interesting question why us columnists lack sex appeal). But few if any porn girls do this.

Why?

According to John T. Bone (who hates my guts), it’s because “the whores are stupid.”

Because of my economics background, I don’t like “irrationality” as an explanation for human behavior. I believe people act in their self-interest.

Why don’t porn columnists have more pull? Because we don’t matter much. There are many of us and we’re easily replaceable. We have no more pull than any of the dozen photographers who show up regularly to parties and sets.

Back in the day when only AVN mattered, then it’d make sense to offer bribes to persons in power. But what porn girl wants to blow me, Mark Kernes, Gene Ross, Mike South, Gram Ponante, Dan Miller, Tod Hunter, etc? She’d have one tired jaw and for what? She can get good coverage simply by treating people good and doing good scenes. Who needs bribery?

How much do girls lay out a month for a publicist such as Monstar or Jason Sechrest? $500? What would help a girl’s career more? Blowing a columnist or paying Monstar $500?

Discuss amongst yourselves.

In his memoir, Allan MacDonnell listed a foolsafe way for a porn writer to get laid (he learned it, I believe, from Greg Dark who had hundreds of porn girls). When you’re interviewing the girl, say you’re doing a feature about the wildest girls in porn and encourage her to start touching herself. When she starts going at it with enthusiasm, all you have to do is touch her and most of the time you’re in like Flynn.

I’ve never done this but I’ve thought about it way too often.

I’m not sure it is wild sex I crave as much as feeling wildly sexy.

It’s all such foolishness. I should be beyond such things. If I’ve learned nothing from years in this wilderness it is that sex with porn stars is not the path to earthly happiness let alone a heavenly reward.

What importance does my ejaculation have when seen in the light of eternity?

Put your C-light on that and smoke it.

Gina Cochina emails:

I can tell you why porn columnists don’t get laid more often.

It’s not just porn columnists. It’s porn writers, period. People are afraid you’ll write about them. They’re afraid of being critiqued in written form in the public eye. When I was still single, half the guys would be dying to screw me, hoping it would end up on some website, and the other half would be paranoid and would want to screw me anyway, but would go on and on endlessly about the fact that it had better not end up on some website.

Regardless of what they said, either way, it usually ended up on some website.

But I’m a girl. Men, even if they’re paranoid, will throw themselves at you no matter what when you’re a girl. Even if you’re an ugly girl. It’s easy for us that way. I’d imagine it’s more difficult for male writers.

Put it this way: would you have sex with you if there was a chance you might end up being ridiculed, exposed, or critiqued in a public forum?

Of course this only goes for civilians. As far as “talent” not wanting to have sex with you, you’re probably right: it’s because you don’t have enough pull in the industry.

Kevin Blatt ([email protected])¬† emails:

God damn you are funny Luke.First off, I am not a porn journalist, I am a Movie Star and the best Public Relations guy in all of adult.

Brian Gross is the only other guy I will call a PR person in adult and I recommend him highly since he does it full time, and I am the VP of a public company as you know.

To answer your question truthfully, the reason I get laid so much isn’t the BS I spew about getting these girls exposure or press, it’s not that I tell them I love them or want to have children with them, and it’s not because I ply them with alcohol or drugs….the reason I get laid so much in this business, is simple.

I never put the “pussy up on the pedestal”.

Yes I treat these girls fantastic when I am with them, and treat them like human beings.

That has been a blessing and a curse at the same time, believe me Luke.

Nowadays I know that porn stars are expendable- I don’t chase them, I replace them.

I treat non porn women like platinum, and treat porn stars like gold.

Gold is the most malleable of the precious metals you know…

Just remember, “You cannot turn a Ho into a housewife” Luke I have tried, it doesn’t work.

Just for the record, any good porn publicist charges anywhere between $2,000 to $5000 a month and they are only expensive if it doesn’t work. Publicity takes time and women should keep in mind when they hire a publicist that most magazines print three months in advance, and radio shows only do so much for you.

If any other girls have any questions in regards to how to hire a good publicist- they can come over and blow me, and I’ll be happy to help.

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