Tough Mudder? Too mainstream. Warrior Dash? Too competitive. Zombie 5K? Sounds fun, but still not what we’re looking for. How about something a little more “fit” for our industry? Ladies and gents, mark your calendar for March 22nd – an X-Rated 18+ 5K mud run exists!
This exciting event goes down March 22nd 2014 in Bunnell Florida. It’s being marketed as “THE ORIGINAL, FIRST OF ITS KIND, 5K adult-themed obstacle course race for all people over 18 of all fitness abilities!”. It all began when adult toy store owner (Sensual Steals) Kelly Perez suggested to a former ING marathon race director her idea of a sex themed race – makes sense because sex requires exercise and endurance, as does a mud run! That being said, even if you don’t think you have what it takes to conquer the BOOB WALL™ (pics below), fear not! There’s other ways to get dirty and cumplete the course.
Perez got into obstacle course running when other attempts at weight loss weren’t cutting it. She then schemed this brilliant idea after talking to a cousin listed in the Marines:
“One day while training, I felt drained and wanted to give up,” Perez recalls. “I said, ‘This is B.S. Forget it. I’m not an elite athlete—I sell sex toys for a damn living.’ My cousin replied, ‘Stop f—ing complaining, and envision crawling through a penis tunnel.’ After I laughed, it hit me like a bolt of lightning: I literally envisioned an entire obstacle course made out of boobs and penises. Exercise and sex are so closely related: They both cause you to get all hot, sweat, and release feel good pheromones. So why is there not an event that can bring the two together?”
She also stated she wants to promote safe sex and a healthier lifestyle, and this is the perfect way to do it.
When asked what the course would entail, Kelly went into detail regarding some of the anticipated obsticles: “The Dominatrix Dungeon will be an enclosed mud-filled maze resembling a dungeon. You’ll be in almost complete darkness surrounded by metal hanging chains, whips, and bondage-like items. We’ll have a surprise or two waiting for you inside that will ‘whip’ you into shape. The Blue Balls Dash is just that: A dash through very large, blue rubber balls that are hitting you in the face.”
UNFORTUNATELY for us smut loving sex fiends, this race is only sexually themed in nature, not practice i.e. No nudity or sexual acts to be performed throughout the course. I know, I know, what a crock of shit right? Oh well, at least some pornstars are going to be showing up to show off their stamina on the Deepthroat climb and the Dominatrix Dungeon™. Specific stars have yet to be announced; there will also be pole dancers and burlesque performers present.
Finally, upon finishing the course, participants are greeted with a free beer, a condom shaped medal and an entry to become Ms. or Mr. X-Rated 2014 with a chance to win $690. Zing! Check out some artist renditions of some obstacles below: